Dude Looks Like A Lady
by JessAlmasy
Summary: Dalton!Kurt&Sebastian (mostly past) AU Kurt gets so tired of being Blaine's backup dancer that he agrees to transfer to McKinley... as Elizabeth Hummel. Now he just has to convince the entire school that he's a girl, keep his best friend in check, avoid small gel covered hobbits, and ignore attempts by a hot straight guy to get into his pants. Should be easy.
1. Chapter 1

**The zombie story made me sad so I took a break to write a cute little story my husband tricked me into. And then this happened. It started out based on 'She's The Man', which is based on 'Twelfth Night' but then it just decided half way through that it didn't want shit to do with either storyline and went off on it's own like a spoiled 4 yr old at WalMart. So just... I'm sorry.**

 **Remember that time we all thought Sebastian was in Kurt's grade? Let's all pretend that's true. This story also ignores most canon drama. Figure either it didn't happen or Kurt didn't care, depending on the event. (All 'attempts' didn't happen. Dave's suicide, Finchel's wedding, Quinn's texting, no.)**

 **Moving on!**

* * *

As Kurt stomps into his dorm he glares at his roommate, pointing at him. "Don't say a fucking word, Smythe!"

Sebastian just smirks at him from his bed. "Aww, what's wrong, princess? Did he not smile prettily enough?"

Kurt takes off his leather messenger bag and throws it at Sebastian's head. When the asshole just catches it and sets it on the bed beside him without moving, Kurt growls to himself. _Fucking jocks. Why am I always surrounded by guys that make me look weak and pathetic?!_

Huffing, Kurt sits on his bed, crossing his arms and legs and glaring at the meerkat across from him. "I hate you."

Laughing, Sebastian puts his phone down, abandoning whoever he'd been sexting. Kurt knows that's what he was doing, mainly because he was awake and there was no one else in the room. Sebastian can't function without some type of constant sexual stimulation. Like an IV drip. The only reason he's able to focus on their conversation is because Kurt knows he gets some sort of sick thrill out of bitch-fighting with him. Whatever.

"Okay, so what happened? He didn't apologize?"

Kurt scoffs. "Of course he did. He was so **sorry**. He knew it wasn't **fair**. But what do I expect him to **do**? **He's** not in charge of the solos."

Nodding, Seb sits up. "That sounds familiar. It's not like he could, I don't know, say **no**. That would just be outrageous."

Kurt snickers for a few seconds but stops, glaring at him again. "No! Don't make me laugh. I'm mad. I have to stay mad until I'm off school grounds. If he sees me laughing with you he'll weasel his way in and we'll make up. I don't want to make up with him this time. I'm really done this time! I broke up with him."

"Again."

"Shut up! It's for good this time!" At the taller boy's totally unconvinced expression, Kurt explodes. "You have to help me! I can't go back to swaying in the background and making derp faces because that's what he finds 'appropriate'! I can't!"

Sebastian smirks, leaning over the tiny gap between their beds and putting his face waaay too close to Kurt's person. "Well, we could go make out in the junior commons. That would end things for sure."

Sebastian's best attempt at looking and sounding sexy is ruined by Kurt smacking him right in the middle of the face and pushing him backward onto his bed. By the time he looks back up Kurt is already standing next to the closet taking off his blazer. "Get real, Sebastian. As much as I'd love to jump into bed with someone else to piss him off, not to mention scratch some itches that the boy just can't quite seem to reach, it would never be with you."

Shrugging, Sebastian lounges on the bed and unabashedly watches Kurt take his clothes off. "One day, you'll fall for my charms. Then I'll get to break in that ass properly."

Scoffing again, Kurt slides out of his slacks and starts attempting to wiggle into his jeans. He doesn't respond to the comment out loud though. He handles Sebastian's sexual offers like a recovering alcoholic. One day at a time. _I'm not saying it'll never happen, but it won't be today._

Instead of discussing their hopefully fictional future sex lives, Kurt slips on a thin purple sweater over his Dalton shirt after putting on a grey tie with subtle silver pinstripes. He knows he's just driving home to Lima, but he always likes to look nice for family dinner. Especially since his dad had remarried. Finn seemed nice enough and was surprisingly accepting of him. _Thank god I'd already been wrapped up in Blaine before our parents met. I can't imagine the awkward crush he would have caused._

Finally turning to Sebastian he notices that although his pants were long since fastened, the boy still hadn't looked away from his ass and was very obviously palming himself.

"Oh my god, Sebastian! At least wait until I leave the room. Jesus."

Seb just smirks at him and winks, "Not my fault you keep flashing me, princess."

Shaking his head, Kurt grabs his bag off Sebastian's bed and heads for his desk to grab his keys. "Why should I walk down the hallway when we both know you see more ass than a proctologist? Doesn't mean you should stare like a creeper, Seb."

He shrugs, unrepentant. "It's a damn fine one. One of the best I've seen, actually. Seriously, let me borrow it? I'll give it back!"

Grimacing in disgust, Kurt throws his history book at Sebastian before sailing out the door. "See you on Monday, knob."

"Love you too, sweetie!"

* * *

Burt had declared Friday night dinner a 'No Singing Hour'. They not only weren't allowed to break into song, they weren't allowed to discuss their glee clubs. That was for Saturday or during the week, in Finn's case. Friday was for family. Arguing over being competitors was a no-no. Instead he spent most of the night listening to Burt and Carole being all lovey-dovey. They were still in the newlywed phase and Kurt couldn't be happier for them... but it was still kind of gross.

He hadn't told them about breaking up with Blaine yet. In fact, he hardly ever did because they usually got right back together. He'd tell them tomorrow though, because this time he's serious. He's done with the gelled up hobbit. There's only room for one diva in a relationship, and Kurt has eternal dibs.

After dinner, Burt and Carole decide to 'call it an early night'. Which was code for, 'You guys should stay downstairs and watch a movie. A loud one.' _Eewww._

Kurt is curled up on the couch with his head on Finn's shoulder when the bigger boy suddenly turns to him. "Okay, I wasn't gonna ask, because it seems like you don't wanna talk about it, but what's wrong?"

Kurt huffs. "Nothing."

"Lies. You haven't even snuck your phone out to text Blaine. What's wrong?"

Kurt shrugs, playing with the somewhat frayed edge of his hoodie, which he would never wear in public, but after dinner he'd changed into his sweats. "It violates the Friday rule."

Finn laughs, "I really don't think Burt cares at the moment. Go ahead, dude."

Chewing on his lip, Kurt blurts out, "I broke up with Blaine." When he only gets a shocked blink from Finn he continues, "He was being kind of a tool about sectionals. No one but him ever gets leads or solos and he doesn't find anything wrong with that. I'm just so over being a background dancer for Blaine and the Pips."

Finn snorts. Seeing Kurt's outrage he throws his hands up. "No, sorry. I don't mean to downplay your problem, but seriously... you won your sectionals. We don't even have enough people to compete! We're having to get band members to join just so they can sway in the background. They're not even singing!"

Kurt frowns. "Sorry, hun. That sucks. I'm sorry your girls defected. How many do you have left?"

Finn growls. "Two. Rachel got herself suspended for stuffing her ballot box. So we're down to just Tina and Quinn, and Quinn's been acting really freaking weird."

Kurt nods. He'd never actually met any of the New Directions but Rachel. He only really knew her as 'the loud girl that comes to visit Finn'. He'd gone to Dalton after only a month at McKinley his freshman year. He'd never even gotten a chance to come out there, the moronic jocks had just assumed that he was gay and started harassing him. He'd managed good enough grades to get a scholarship, thank god.

He knew that Finn had lots of close friends that were in the group but he didn't bring them home. Probably because he doesn't want the school to know he lives with a gay dude. Finn himself is perfectly fine with Kurt but everyone at school knowing and speculating... yeah, Kurt can see how that would be an issue. So Kurt doesn't say anything about it. It's not like it matters.

Kurt giggles. When Finn questions him he gasps out, "Too bad I can't just go to McKinley. We both know the only person in your club that's better than me is Rachel."

Finn snorts again. "True. Maybe Mercedes, on some songs, just because she can belt it. But overall? Yeah." After a few seconds Finn turns to stare at Kurt for a little too long.

Startled, Kurt asks, "What?"

"Why can't you?"

Gaping at the taller boy, Kurt asks, "Why can't I what?"

Suddenly way too excited, Finn grabs his hands. "Join New Directions! You said you didn't get solos at Dalton, we don't have enough people, switch schools!"

Kurt laughs for almost a solid minute before he notices that Finn isn't kidding. "W-what?! How would that work?! The reason I don't get solos is because I'm too girly. If I'm too girly and too much of a diva for Dalton, I'm sure as hell not gonna make any friends at McKinley!"

Finn whines. "But we need your voice! You're just as good as the girls! Better than most of them! You can wear your wig!"

Kurt glares. "That was for Halloween, Finn! It was a joke!"

"Joke or not, you were hot, dude! You could totally pass for a girl!" It's only after he says it that Finn stops and looks horror struck. Kurt makes no effort to help him. He said it, he can deal with the mental trauma. God knows Kurt is.

A few seconds later, Finn seems to weigh his priorities and goes on, "Seriously! You could pass for a girl, way easier than you'd pass for a straight guy!"

Growling, Kurt snaps, "Oh, thank you **so much** , Finn. That just makes me want to help you that much more."

Stomping up the stairs Kurt calls out, "I hope you're done, I'm going to my room."

As soon as he gets inside, he grabs his phone to text Sebastian. He sees 9 new texts from Blaine and 3 missed calls. _Fucking seriously? This day..._

Deciding he can't be bothered with typing, he calls instead.

"What did the jolly green giant do now?"

"Hello to you too, Sebastian."

"Oh, I'm sorry princess. Hello, Mr. Hummel. What can I do for you this fine evening?" The sarcastic tone is expected and ignored.

"Tell me I'd look horrible in a dress and would never pass for a girl if I pretended to be one."

Whatever response he was hoping for, he should have known he'd only get uproarious laughter. He decides to wait him out, grabbing his emery board to fix a nail he'd chipped at dinner. After 45 seconds he puts the phone on speaker and just sets it down, deciding to cut his toe nails while he has his kit out.

Kurt checks the time when Sebastian finally starts gasping like he's trying to speak. It only takes around four minutes, all told, for him to say, "Oh Jesus fucking Christ, please tell me this isn't hypothetical!"

Kurt speaks up, still clipping. "Finn has pointed out that they're short a few members in New Directions. They made it to nationals once, maybe I could actually finish my senior year with a lead roll on a national stage. That would be amazing. We both know that the Warblers won't get there. Blaine is good but not 'beat whole teams by himself' good."

There's a few seconds of loaded silence before Sebastian speaks again. When he does, his voice is more subdued than Kurt had thought it would be. "Are you really considering this? You're really going to leave me here in the land of polyester and skip off -in a skirt no less- to sing solos?"

Before Kurt can respond, there's a knock on the door. "Hang on, Seb, someone at the door. Come in!"

Kurt doesn't even bother to put the phone on mute, he tells Sebastian everything anyway. They'd become so close lately that it was a little scary. He looks up when Finn pops his head in.

With a sigh, Kurt looks back down at his toes. "What, Finn?"

Not stepping in, Finn hesitantly speaks up. "We really do need more people. We actually need like four just to compete, if we could get people with actual talent, that'd be amazing. If you join I'll guarantee you a solo. I'll have to talk to Mr. Shue about it, but he'd be so excited about getting another 'girl' that he wouldn't say no."

Kurt looks up at him. "What about your girlfriend? If you try to tell me she'll be excited to see me, I'm going to point you in the direction of the nearest crackhouse."

Kurt hears a faint, 'What?' from Sebastian but thankfully Finn doesn't.

"Let me handle her. She almost got us disqualified from sectionals with her stunt so I'll talk to her. I will have to tell her what's going on though, because I'm sure she'll recognize you. She'd never out you though."

Kurt nods. "Her dads, I remember. Let me think about it, sweetie. I'll talk to you more about it tomorrow."

Finn smiles, "Kay. Thanks Kurt! Seriously though, anything you want, totally yours. Just **please** think about it."

When the door is closed, Sebastian immediately pops out with, "What was that about a crackhouse?" Kurt sighs.

He spends way longer than he probably should trying to explain the soap opera that he'd heard about over the past year. _I can't believe I'm considering joining this madness and becoming part of these stories._

* * *

The next morning when he opens his eyes, he shrieks so loudly it makes his own head hurt and then falls off the bed.

"Love you too, princess." Sebastian sits up, leaning over the bed to watch Kurt as he glares at him from the floor. "Is that really all the thanks I get after packing up all your shit and bringing it home for you?"

Sitting up, Kurt leans back against the wall. "You **what**?!"

Sebastian smirks. "Yep! I didn't leave a thing in the whole dormitory. I figured since I was packing my shit, might as well grab yours. Don't worry, if I run into a pair of underwear that aren't mine, I promise not to defile them."

"Sebastian, what the fuck are you talking about?! You packed up our dorm?!"

Nodding, Seb gets up and sets the spare house key he'd found down on Kurt's desk, slipping a large duffel bag off his shoulder. "Yeah. Luckily you don't keep much there. I did grab your Dalton uniforms out of the laundry in case you wanted them for nostalgia, or roleplay, or whatever, but you'll have to dry clean them yourself."

Kurt must not be processing this. He has to have some information switched. _What the hell is going on?!_

" **Why** did you pack up our dorm? **Why** were you packing for yourself? What are you doing here?"

"I packed it up because I know you. You would switch schools just to get away from the pint-sized dream boat, the solos are almost unnecessary. I was packing for myself because there's no way in hell I'm staying there without you. I'd have made Père pull me in the first week if it weren't for you. Everyone else there is so **boring**. And I'm here because I wouldn't miss this shit for the **world**." Seb is just smirking up a storm, completely at ease. Kurt wants to slap him. But he's too wrapped up in one simple detail.

"Oh my god. You're transferring too?!"

* * *

By 2 that afternoon, it's decided. 'Elizabeth Hummel' is going to McKinley first thing on Monday. So is Sebastian Smythe. Burt had been surprisingly accepting of it. Luckily, Kurt had been gone from Lima for almost four years and most people had forgotten that Burt Hummel even had a kid. Being told, 'Na, it was a daughter' would be enough explanation. It's not like Kurt had made any lasting friendships. He hadn't kept in contact with a single person for longer than a week after he'd transferred.

Burt hadn't been sold on the idea of Kurt dressing as a girl until he'd pointed out that it wouldn't be safe to be a boy there, he was too effeminate. And even if somehow the shit hit the fan, he'd have Finn and Sebastian there to protect him. Burt was going to go with him on Monday and sit the principal down. He's pretty sure that the timid man will remember him from years ago. He shouldn't have a problem intimidating the man into overlooking the clerical error of Kurt being enrolled using his middle name and that he was technically male... that paperwork would be buried and forgotten unless Figgins wanted the pants sued off him.

Burt had pulled both Sebastian and Finn aside and made them swear to protect Kurt no matter what happened. He knew he didn't have to worry, both boys loved Kurt in their own way, but he just needed the extra assurance before he signed off on his only son strolling into bully filled hallways in a skirt. Hopefully metaphorically. Girls wear pants too, right?

Kurt had spent most of Saturday dressing himself up in various outfits that he already owned before admitting defeat and letting Sebastian drag him to Columbus to buy, among other things, water filled bras. Despite the boy's best attempts, he refused to go bigger than a B cup and only bought two skirts and one dress. The rest of his purchases were more subtle. The most expensive purchase, by far, was the wig. All jokes aside, a Halloween accessory was not going to cut it.

Eventually he'd settled on a pin straight medium length brunette front lace wig. It actually seemed like what his hair would look like if he grew it out, which is what drew him to it. After he'd bought it, he'd snuck into a bathroom and changed into the clothes, including a damned bra. He wasn't actually shaving yet, so that was one less thing to worry about. After he was dressed, he poked his head out and Sebastian did a double take.

"Wow, you are actually kind of cute. For a chick."

Kurt smiles at him just long enough to step close, then he slaps him on the back of the head. "You're hilarious. Let's get shoes and make up and get the fuck out of here."

They decide to hit make up first, just to help complete the look and stop the stares he's getting. They go with a very natural look, but... It doesn't work. It's only after more guys start staring that Sebastian laughs.

"Oh god. It's because you're hot. They're not gonna stop lookin, babe." Seeing Kurt's look of horror as one of the more cocky guys starts walking over, Sebastian wraps an arm around his shoulders and glares at the boy. Backing off, he puts his arms up in apology and walks away. Seb looks down at Kurt who is eying the arm with distaste. "Would you rather be touched by the 'unwashed masses'?"

Huffing, Kurt wraps an arm around Seb's waist. "Lead on to the shoes, hun. You get to buy an extra pair, because we both know you're loving this."

Chuckling Seb leans down to smack a kiss on top of Kurt's head. "What's not to love?!"

* * *

Sunday is spent explaining to the few people who are being told. Finn and Rachel had driven to Kentucky the day before and had picked up a previous member of their glee club, Sam. With Sam living in the Hudmel house, he'd agreed to keep the secret and help Kurt out as much as he could. He'd actually been really cool about the whole thing and Kurt could already tell they were going to get along great.

Rachel had been horrified at a new voice joining until Finn had lit into her about her stupid, rash actions almost costing them everything. After that she'd even offered her dubious help teaching Kurt to walk in heels or the like. Kurt had internally snorted, thinking it more likely he'd have to teach her one day.

Blaine had been the hardest sell. He was shocked and appalled to find out that Kurt had pulled himself from Dalton. All of Kurt's claims of them being broken up had been ignored and he'd sobbed dramatically that Kurt was abandoning him and the Warblers. Not only that, but he was betraying them by stealing Sebastian away with him. Kurt had extracted a begrudging promise to not out him only after he'd pointed out that it wasn't safe for gay guys at McKinley. Blaine had made no promises not try getting his 'ex-girlfriend' back though. So Kurt was still waiting on the second shoe to drop there.

The paperwork was done, the clothes laid out for his first day, and he was meeting Sebastian in the parking lot so they could walk in together. Finn was excited to introduce his new 'little sister' to the group. Kurt was just hoping this wouldn't all end in tears.

Or in him being featured on the news for killing Sebastian Smythe. Because seriously, he was enjoying his best friend's pain and embarrassment a bit too much.

* * *

Monday morning, Kurt pulls up to school following his dad. They'd chosen to show up five minutes after first bell. It was early enough that they could lie and say they had bad traffic but late enough to miss the crowds. Sebastian meets him at the front of the lot holding coffee and wearing a huge smirk. The only thing keeping Kurt from doing bodily harm to the man is the cup of heaven he holds out to him.

Thank god Sebastian lived close to the Lima Bean and didn't yet know that money shouldn't be wasted. He could probably arrange for the meerkat to bring him one everyday.

It takes the better part of first period to straighten out enrollment and get everything explained. Figgins had, of course, agreed to keep silent about Kurt's true gender. Actually, he was more worried than anyone else about him being found out. Having a 'trans' student opened up so many debates that he just didn't want to have to deal with. Luckily he'd been assured that 'Elizabeth' was attracted to boys, so using the girls restroom wouldn't be a problem.

Kurt gives his dad a smile and a wave and heads down the hallway with Sebastian to find their lockers. Since they were mid year transfers they're side by side. Storing the extra set of clothes he'd brought to be kept there, just in case, Kurt turns to Sebastian. "Did you have to get almost all of our classes together?"

Smirking, Sebastian drains the last of his coffee. "Of course. Does me no good to be here if I don't get front row seats."

Shaking his head, Kurt closes his locker. "Well, we've missed most of AP French, want to head to... AP Biology?"

Holding out his arm to escort Kurt, Sebastian smirks when he huffs before taking his arm. Seb can't wait for the school's reaction to the 'new girl'. Kurt looks hot as hell, although Sebastian's opinion is influenced heavily on knowing that he has a dick tucked securely into what promises to be very tight panties. If he knows Kurt, and he does, the smaller boy would have been meticulous in dressing.

Kurt had worn a tight, dark blue sweater dress over black leggings with high heeled boots and a short black jacket. He'd left his hair down but had brushed it straight. He'd played with it a lot and it looks realistic enough when pinned back or even put in a pony tail, but he'd been a little too nervous to do much the first day.

As they wait in the hallway outside their next class, Kurt hears his phone chime. After turning it down to silent, Kurt responds to the text.

Sebastian puts his hand on Kurt's hip and pulls him forward a bit when the bell rings. The last thing they need is Kurt being knocked on his ass in the first five minutes. "That Finn?"

Kurt huffs. "Yes. Overprotective brat. Wanted to know if I was here. Then wanted to know if I need him to walk me to class. Now he seems put out that you've got that covered, thanks to you being a stalking creeper." After another response, Kurt giggles. "He said he's already hearing rumors about a hot new chick being escorted around by a hot new guy."

Sebastian smirks, squeezing with the hand he'd yet to move from Kurt's hip. "Wonder who will be the most crushed by us being 'taken', the guys or the girls?"

Smacking Sebastian's hand away now that he'd noticed it, Kurt laughs. "Ugh. One freakin' guess. You tend to leave broken hearts everywhere you go. I can hardly wait to be cornered and quizzed about you."

"Aww! They wouldn't do that to my girlfriend, surely."

Glaring, Kurt slaps him. "You are just **loving** this."

Seb smirks, leaning close to whisper, "Well, it's not like we can cuddle in our room anymore. I gotta get my snuggles in where I can."

Pushing him away, the smaller boy laughs again. "You act like I was letting you climb into my bed at night or something."

Smirk still firmly in place, Seb hitches his bag up on his shoulder. "Only if I wanted to lose something important. And for the record, I'm rather fond of my-"

"Yes. Thank you. I'm aware of that. Shut up, Seb." Kurt smacks him on the shoulder. Noticing that the stream of students seems to have moved on, Kurt walks into the room, followed by Sebastian.

The teacher seems unsurprised to see them, although that could also be indifference. They take the back table that she indicates and pull out notebooks. It's pretty clear in the first ten minutes of class that they're not going to learn anything in here. They'd done this lab last year. And this was an AP course? That didn't spell promising things for their future.

As they walk out, Kurt sighs. "I'm going to need to buy more books. If this is the stuff we're learning, I'm going to be bored out of my mind. Maybe I can get Dad to get me a Kindle."

Smirking, Sebastian puts an arm around Kurt, leading him down the hallway. "If not, I'll give you mine. You know I don't read that much and Père got me one for my birthday."

Smiling widely, Kurt leans up to kiss him on the cheek. "Thanks, hun! My class is this way, see you at lunch?"

Seb nods and waits for Kurt to turn away before smacking him lightly on the ass. "Later, babe!"

He can tell by the glare that he'll pay for that. But the look on the jocks' faces had been worth it. Kurt probably hadn't even noticed their hungry stares.

Kurt meanwhile is planning Sebastian's death. _What the hell was that?!_ Muttering under his breath, Kurt doesn't notice that one interested stare doesn't break away like the others had.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt has just stepped out of the lunch line when he's greeted by Finn. "Hey! There you are! You didn't text me back!"

Scoffing, Kurt turns to him hissing. "Calm down, Finn. I'm supposed to be your annoying new sister, remember?"

Smiling slightly, Finn says, "Right. Sorry. Anyway, we sit over here. Looks like Seb got cornered already."

Looking around, Kurt sags with relief when he sees Seb sitting next to Sam at a table near the back of the room. Finn slides in across from them so Kurt taps Sam on the shoulder. Without even waiting to be asked, the blonde scoots over.

Sitting down, Kurt says, "Thanks, Sam." Without really thinking about it, Kurt drops his forehead down on Sebastian's shoulder. "Tell me Economics wasn't as behind as Honors Lit. I really might die of boredom before you even give me the damn Kindle."

Snorting, Seb rubs a hand on Kurt's arm. "Sorry, babe. I was so bored I started a list guessing how the teen dream was going to 'woo you back'. Want to hear it?"

"Oh dear god, no. Shut up, Seb." Taking a quick drink and a bite, Kurt covers his mouth while he chews and swallows. Then he says, "So help me god, Sebastian, if that boy shows up here today, I'm blaming you. It's like Beetlejuice! You can't talk about it!"

Looking at him in question, Sebastian says, "It's like **what**?"

Before Kurt can respond more than muttering 'what were your parents teaching you...' Finn clears his throat. It's only after Kurt looks up that he remembers he's surrounded by people he doesn't know. "Oh! Sorry! Hi! I'm Elizabeth! You can call me Liza or Lizzie!"

Sebastian just nods, smirking. "Sebastian." Kurt elbows him. _Ugh. He's so smug. And rude. He's smude._

Rolling his eyes, "Sebastian Smythe, call me anything but Meerkat."

Kurt mumbles, 'I stand by it.'

As the table goes around introducing themselves, Kurt nods at them, finally putting faces to stories he's heard. He's more than a little worried at the wink he gets from 'Puck' and apparently he's not alone. Finn is glaring the jock and suddenly Sebastian's arm wraps around Kurt's waist. Rolling his eyes, Kurt goes back to his lunch. _Boys._

He'd heard enough about Puck to know he's not a threat. He's the straight Sebastian. If Kurt hadn't spread his legs for his hot-as-hell best friend yet, Noah Puckerman didn't stand a chance.

* * *

As they walk out of the lunchroom, surrounded by the glee club, Sebastian turns to Kurt. "Ugh, never again." Pointing a finger at him, "You got me into this mess, fix it."

Kurt snickers. "Actually, you decided to follow me by yourself, I had nothing to do with it. You're lucky I agree. Since I'm going to be doing it anyway though, it won't be hard to make extra."

Nodding, Sebastian keeps walking. After a few seconds of silence, Finn pipes up with, "That made no sense. What is Lizzie doing?"

Kurt huffs. "The food in there was terrible. I'm going to make our lunches from now on. Expect pastas for dinner more often. I can pack it as leftovers the next day."

Sebastian growls, pulling Kurt closer to his side. "If you make me fat, I'll never forgive you, princess."

Giggling, Kurt looks up at him. "Awww. Poor Sebby. You're actually gonna have to try now."

Grumbling about the lack of lacrosse team, Sebastian follows the small group of students into the classroom and finds two seats on the front row. After he sits down, he jolts. "Shit. We probably should have thought about something to sing, babe."

With wide eyes, Kurt turns to Sebastian. "Oh god. How did I not think about that? I never miss a chance to freak out over an audition!"

Sam speaks up, sitting beside Kurt. "It's not much of an audition. He lets everyone in. But yeah, if you want a solo, you better be good. We can't just take Finn's word on it."

Kurt smacks Sebastian. "This is all your fault! My mind got sidetracked dealing with the concept of having to deal with you all day. You have to sing with me. That way they'll focus on what you did wrong and forget my flaws. Pick a duet."

Laughing, Seb smirks at him. "Oh, I thought of one while ignoring your shrieking. We got this." Before Kurt can question him more about the song, making sure it's one he knows well enough, the teacher comes in.

"Okay, class. Today we have the return of Mr. Sam Evans, along with two new members! Please welcome Finn's step-sister Elizabeth Hummel and her... uh... Sebastian Smythe!"

Kurt blushes, waving a little to the rest of the room, most of which he'd thankfully already met. Sebastian just smirks.

Mr. Schuester continues, "Since we're low on time to get ready for sectionals, and we know Sam can sing, can we hear something from the new guys? Maybe something together? Then we can start reworking the set list."

Sebastian smirks, getting up and offering a hand to Kurt. Huffing, he gets up unassisted and waits for Seb to fill him in on his song choice.

Still aiming a full watt smirk at Kurt, Sebastian announces, "We'll sing 'Take Me or Leave Me' from Rent."

Unable to stop the giggle that springs out, Kurt shakes his head and takes off his jacket, throwing it on his seat. They dance around a little as Sebastian takes Maureen's part. Sebastian is enjoying the spectacle a bit more than he should and Kurt just watches him with a smirk on his face. When the table turns, Kurt takes great pleasure in teasing him during Joanne's lines. The song ends with Kurt belting out the final note, able to hold it much longer than Sebastian. When he finally cuts off he and Sebastian are almost nose to nose and Seb's smirk could cut glass. Kurt just laughs, smacking a kiss on his cheek and pushing him away face first.

As they turn back to the class, the whole room erupts with cheers and applause. After a quick curtsy, Kurt moves back to his seat, noting Finn's smug look. _Okay, so maybe this wasn't the worst idea. It might not be so bad here._

Sebastian settles next to him, leaning over to whisper, "I'm coming over to your house after school so we can discuss something I'm noticing."

Giving him a nod, Kurt mentally shrugs. He'd kind of assumed he'd have trouble getting rid of Sebastian before dinner. In fact they should probably just meet at his house in the mornings, save gas and time. Kurt's attention is called to the front when the teacher gets back up, gushing about their song. After the room settles down, Mr. Shue settles down to say, "Okay! Now, preparing for sectionals!"

* * *

As they walk out of Keyboarding, Kurt snorts. "How sad is it that a typing class won't be the most useless class we take here?"

"Right? At least they're teaching us to not look at the keyboard. That plastic mat thing sucks serious ass though."

Giggling, Kurt lowers his voice so only Seb can hear him, "Really Seb? I thought you **wouldn't** like it."

Smirking, Seb pinches Kurt's ass, still leading the way down the hall. "Shut up, princess. We both know how much I'd like to-"

"Thaaaat's enough of that. What's your last class?"

Giving him a smug look at the change in topic, Seb says, "AP French Lit. You?"

"The one class I knew you wouldn't follow me to. Love you, Sebby, but we both know you'd never deign to actually get your hands dirty. I signed up for Auto Mechanics. Maybe they'll let me work on my own car and I can preserve my weekends. She is almost due for maintenance." Kurt seems excited by the idea, which makes Seb laugh.

"You're such a nerd, babe. Well, if they do let you work on your own cars and you finish with the Nav, let me know. You can service my engine anytime."

Kurt smacks him, "Oh my god."

With a laugh, Seb elaborates. "No, really. A free check up on the Porsche by someone I know won't damage it? Sold."

Giggling, Kurt reaches the hallway where they'll split up and leans up to kiss Seb on the cheek. "See ya after school, hun. Just meet at my house?"

"Sure. Later, babe." Seb considers smacking him on the ass again but figures just in case Kurt forgot about the first time, doing it again would just remind him.

After Kurt walks away, he has to wonder what he's going to do about his clothes. He won't be able to do much today unless they have spare coveralls. He's not ruining his clothes for one day's worth of participation points.

He's not really sure what to expect, actually. He didn't even know that high schools were still offering auto shop classes. Dalton sure as hell hadn't. When he walks into the classroom he's surprised to find it looks a lot like a real shop. There are even bay doors that lead outside and lifts to raise cars up for easy access. _Well damn! I should have come here years ago. The principal said if students took all the classes offered they could get certified. Shit. Why do I have to be a senior? Oh well, at least I got into the third level one._

By the time the other students file in, he's already told the teacher his situation and he'd agreed to more or less let 'her' observe today since Kurt hadn't brought old clothes or his coveralls. He'd said to just pair up with someone and shadow them for today. _Oh, great. Now I get to pick some random neanderthal and listen to them prattle on about stupid shit for almost an hour. Awesome._

Kurt sits on a stool near the front of the room looking out over his options. He's about to suck it up and approach a guy he's pretty sure was playing an instrument in the back of the glee room when he spots a mohawk out of his peripheral. Turning, he sees one of the glee guys walk in, Puck.

Bouncing up, he walks over to him. "Hi!"

Turning to Kurt with wide eyes, Puck takes a second to look 'her' up and down before saying, "Uh, hey... what are you doing here?"

Biting back the urge to roll his eyes, Kurt laughs. "I'm in this class. The teacher said to shadow someone for today, since I didn't know to bring coveralls or something, do you mind?"

After several long seconds of blinking, Puck seems to snap out of it a bit. "Uh... sure, babe. I think we're just cleaning carburetors today."

"Oh." Kurt can feel himself deflate. _Please tell me we'll do more than that in here? I've known how to rebuild a carburetor since I was like 10. According to Dad, it was the only thing that kept me quiet when I had to sit in the shop at that age. I was hoping at least_ _ **this**_ _class would be interesting. Shit._

Seeing his look of disappointment, Puck says, "Hey! Don't worry, I'll show you how. It's easy."

Forcing a fake smile, Kurt says, "Aww! Thanks!"

Kurt spends most of the class watching Puck take apart and clean out the carburetor, bored out of his mind. It's only when Puck starts taking the jets out that things get a little interesting.

"Shit. Who used to own this thing?"

Kurt looks up from where he'd been contemplating his nails. "What's up?"

Puck glances over before explaining. "Whoever took this apart last time stripped this jet. It's brass, so it's easy to screw up. They were apparently stupid enough to use a regular screwdriver. Shit."

Kurt scoffs and gets up, walking over to the teacher. A few minutes later he comes back with a DeWalt drill and a tapered Dremel bit. Deciding that he'd rather ruin the sweater than the jacket, Kurt strips off the black leather and drapes it over his stool, pushing his sleeves up.

It takes him less than five minutes to set the stripped jet down on the table. He checks the others before turning back to Puck. "The others are fine, just be careful. I'm going to put these back up."

He can feel Puck's eyes on him as he walks away but he can't be bothered to look. _Honestly, it's not that hard. Granted, the Dremel bit was a stretch. We have an extractor at the shop, but it's pretty close to the same thing. Ugh. Get me out of here._

Deciding not to sit and watch Puck muddle through the other jets, Kurt walks up to the instructor to find out if they'll be doing anything more interesting. He's relieved to find out they were just in a lull because Christmas break would start soon. Apparently that's why all of his classes were going so slow, which he should have realized. He'd have the same schedule next semester, but most wouldn't unless they were multi-semester classes. Actually, Kurt's pretty sure that if he'd shown up last week he could have taken the finals and still passed, but he's not going to say so. Easy classes were better than random crap he had no interest in.

As he walks over and puts his jacket back on, he notices that Puck has finished putting the carburetor back together and is staring at him. After ignoring him as long as he can, Kurt turns to him with a sigh. "What?"

Puck just gives him a smug grin, leaning back on the work table and wiping his hands on a rag. "How did you know to do that?"

Kurt scoffs, giving up any attempt at mystery. He no longer cares what people think, he's here for solos. "My dad is a mechanic. I've worked in his garage for years. I can clean a freaking carburetor."

Puck just smirks, tossing down the rag and crossing his arms over his chest. "You work on cars, you're one of the best singers I've ever heard, and you're hot as fuck. Where the hell did you come from?"

Hearing the bell ring, Kurt just smirks at him, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder as he walks out, tossing over his shoulders, "Oh, I'm straight out of every boy's wet dream."

Kurt gamely ignores the muttered, 'Well, you're definitely from **mine**.' as he walks out to the Nav. _Just what I need while wearing a dress, a straight boy panting after me. Jeez._

* * *

Since shop class feeds almost directly to the parking lot, Kurt gets home first. Knowing that Finn and Sam have football practice and Seb will be by any time, Kurt leaves the door cracked open and runs up to his room.

Knowing that taking off the wig would look stupid without also taking off the makeup and that he would need at least half an hour to do a cleanse, he leaves it all on for now but changes out of the restricting clothes. He goes over the sweater meticulously for stains. Judging it oil free, Kurt slips into a pair of yoga pants and a slightly oversized shirt. Afterward, he heads for the kitchen.

He's just grabbed two bottles of water and a bag of grapes when he hears light knocking on the front door.

"Candy-gram!"

Kurt scoffs, walking into the living room. "Unless you actually have chocolate, you're just a tease."

Grinning, Seb shuts the door and moves over to the couch after taking off his shoes. "I don't think I've ever actually been called a tease before... And nope, sadly I'm fresh out. You're more than welcome to check my pockets, though. Just in case."

Settling on one end of the couch and turning sideways, Kurt drops the fruit on the cushion between his knees and hands Seb a bottle of water. "Oh, I'll pass, thanks." After popping a few grapes into his mouth, Kurt asks, "So, first impressions of McKinley?"

Seb also grabs a handful of the grapes before leaning back against the other armrest, poking Kurt with his sock covered foot. "You mean other than the stench of public school?" Kurt retaliates by kicking Seb in the shin. "Ow ow ow! Okay, I'm sorry. I'll shut up."

Grumbling, Kurt takes a sip of water. "You'd better. I didn't ask your smirky little meerkat face to come with me."

Smirking again, Seb replies, "But, babe, it's considered rude to come fir- AHH! Okay! God." Kurt pulls his foot back from it's very uncomfortable position and sets his water on the table.

"Seriously though, you said you wanted to talk about something you've noticed?"

Sebastian let's out an honest laugh before he leans back again. "Well, you probably should have noticed too but you tend to be a bit more oblivious. Did you see the looks you were getting today?"

Thinking back, Kurt can't really think of anything memorable, so he just shrugs. With a sigh Seb shakes his head. "You were getting eye fucked from almost every guy in the place, babe. You need to get ugly."

Laughing a bit, Kurt says, "Get ugly? I'm already average at best, let's not make things worse. Just because you've built me up in your head as the great white gay because I'm the one guy that won't sleep with you, doesn't mean other people share your delusion."

"No, seriously. Your bias against yourself aside, you're pretty hot. Especially all dolled up as a chick." Seb waves his hands in the vague direction of Kurt's disguise. "I personally prefer you without this crap, but to be frank, you're cute and sexy as a guy. But, as a girl, it's kind of off the charts. Thank god I know you're hiding a dick in there or you'd be making me question being totally gay. "

Kurt giggles. "Thanks, Sebby. But seriously, assuming you're not high, what the hell would I even do about that? I don't want to look hideous and I can't afford less flattering clothes. The only reason this worked at all is because I had such an extensive wardrobe before this whole thing started."

Nodding, Seb admits, "I know. That's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. We've been joking around, pretending to date, just because that's what people assumed and it was easier, but I really think we should legit try to come off as a couple. It might keep guys at school from getting handsy and getting a bit more of a handful than they were looking for."

Giggling again, Kurt puts a hand over his mouth, trying not to choke on a grape. "Oh god! Can you imagine? Some poor jock thinks he's getting lucky and ends up in therapy?"

Scoffing Sebastian says, "Don't know about 'poor jock' if he's shoving his hand down your pants, babe."

Shrugging, Kurt says, "Whatever. I really think you're being silly about this though. No one was that interested. It's just Bella Syndrome. I'm the shiny new toy. Once the novelty wears off, I can just fade into the background. At least until glee club. Hopefully I'll continue to stand out there."

"Yeeeah, that's part of the problem, babe." At Kurt's questioning look Sebastian snorts. "You didn't even notice, did you? I knew it!"

"Notice what? In glee? Was someone pissed about how awesome we were?"

Grinning, Seb grabs the grapes and puts them on the table since they'd both lost interest. "Oh, we got a reaction, but it wasn't anger. You were, again, getting eye fucked the whole time. I'm pretty sure if he could have, he'd have slapped my face with a glove, and announced pistols at dawn."

Frowning again, Kurt takes another sip of water. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Groaning, Seb turns to put his feet on the floor and throw his head back. "I knew you were oblivious." Turning to look at him, he explains. "Puck. The whole time you were singing, teasing me, and being kind of a bitch, he was all but drooling on his dirty, ripped jeans."

Kurt starts to wave it off as ridiculous before he remembers how his day had ended. _Well shit._

"So, uh... this is probably a bad time to mention that he's in my shop class, huh?"

Groaning again Sebastian glares at him. "Coveralls. Always. And borrow your dad's. And don't wear your bra under it."

Laughing at him, Kurt gets up to put the remains of their snack away. "You're being overly dramatic. It's the same as with all the other guys, the new will wear off and it'll be fine."

When he goes to step over Sebastian's legs, Kurt is grabbed by the hips and pulled down into his lap. Trapping him there by wrapping his arms around his waist, Seb speaks slowly, as though to a toddler, or someone very stupid.

"It wasn't the same. It wasn't a 'damn she's hot', it was a 'I have to make that mine'. I know, I've given that same look to countless guys that did the walk of shame a few hours later."

Smacking him, Kurt bites out, "Any walk that involves your bed is a walk of shame, Seb. Let me go!"

"No. Not until I get you to realize that you need to be careful around some of those guys. I don't know Puck, but from what I've heard he's a bit of a stud. You need to at least ask Finn what to do about it. Apparently they're close."

Kurt sighs, giving up on being let go and props his hands on the back of the couch on either side of Seb's head. "You worry too much. As long as they think I'm a girl, none of those guys are going to do much more than leer. If it makes you feel better, we can pretend to be dating. That should at least limit the hands on my ass to yours. Don't think I've forgotten."

Wincing, Seb rubs circles into Kurt's lower back. "It was better than the alternative! There was a group of jocks 'leering' at you. It was grab your ass, or punch their faces."

"Hmph. You know I don't condone violence. You're just going to have to look for that hidden third option. You get maybe one free squeeze a day, then you start losing important bits. We're dating, not fucking at school." Seeing the light in his eyes, Kurt amends, "Or anywhere else. We both know you don't really date, Seb. Speaking of, if you go out, keep it to weekends and make sure not to fuck anyone from McKinley. The last thing I need is the rumor that I can't keep my man from straying to other men."

"That would be sort of counterproductive wouldn't it? Fine. I'll stay away from Scandals, and hit Columbus for my randoms."

Before Kurt can respond, the door opens. Finn comes in first and grimaces. "Come on, guys! Not on the couch!"

After he walks in, shaking his head and taking off his shoes, Sam stops a few feet inside the door, tilting his head to the side. "Wait, wh-" Thankfully he's interrupted by Finn elbowing him subtly. Taking the hint, Sam just nods and takes off his own shoes. The last thing Kurt wants to see is Puck following Sam in and glaring at Sebastian.

Groaning, Kurt drops his head on Seb's shaking shoulder. Dodging the pinch Kurt had aimed for laughing, Sebastian says, "Hey! It could be worse! They could have brought home the hobbit."

Slapping Sebastian, Kurt finally breaks free of the hold and stands up. "Oh, that's not funny at all, Bas. I'm just glad he didn't show up at school."

Ignoring the jocks, Seb gets up to follow the fruit-laden Kurt into the kitchen. "There's always tomorrow, babe!"

* * *

Both Sebastian and Puck stick around until almost dinner, when Burt happily boots them both out. Seb had left with a huge wink for Kurt before planting a quick kiss on his lips. Unable to take his anger out on Sebastian, Kurt had stomped up to his room to finally remove the girl-gear.

Sitting at dinner, Kurt explains that he'd gotten a few more looks than he'd thought he would, and that Sebastian would be pretending to date him until the end of the year. After 20 minutes of assurances that they were just pretending, Burt and Finn had **almost** believed him. Kurt gave up. Whatever.

That night, before bed, he'd run down to pack their lunch. Thankfully Carole had bought a huge lunchbox in case Finn decided to eat healthier this year and pack his own. It seemed that Finn was perfectly happy with cheap burgers and lunchroom pizza. Oh well, at least Kurt didn't have to brown bag it. It was a huge bag that held three clear plastic containers with dividers. Kurt packed two of them up with all vegetables and a few fruits. He added a fat and carb free salad dressing and sealed them airtight and stored them back in the fridge. Sebastian's lunch took considerably longer but would be worth it.

Getting a last minute idea, Kurt grabs the sharpie off the top of the refrigerator and scrawls a note on the lid of the box. If he decides to keep doing it he'll have to invest is some alcohol swabs to clean it off every night, but the look on Seb's face should be priceless.

Smirking, Kurt puts the last box in the fridge, ready to be packed up quickly for school.

* * *

The next morning Kurt wakes up early to fix his hair, putting it half back and making sure it looks natural before grabbing his school bag and heading downstairs. By the time Seb pulls up Kurt has been waiting near the door for a few minutes.

Walking outside, Kurt calls out to him before he can even get out, "Your car or mine?"

Looking relieved, Sebastian waves him over. As Kurt climbs in Sebastian sighs. "Thank god. Mine, definitely mine until it warms up." As he pulls away from the curb he gestures to the coffee cup in the console.

Kurt dives on the hot drink before mumbling, "Oh, now I feel a little guilty."

Seb cocks an eyebrow but doesn't look away from the road. "Why does coffee make you feel guilty? Did you eat a doughnut or something?"

Looking away, Kurt says. "Nevermind, I'm sure by then you'll do something to piss me off. Anyway, AP French first thing. Luckily we knew that class would be simple. I didn't even do my homework last night, it'll give me something to do."

Laughing, Seb glances at him. "Same. God knows we can't look to our new educators to keep us busy."

Nodding, Kurt just leans back, savoring his coffee and waiting on the hell that is high school.

* * *

When Kurt sits down at the lunch table beside Sebastian, the taller boy looks at him eagerly. Thankfully all signs of guilt flew out the window after first period when Seb wouldn't take his hand off Kurt's ass no matter what he threatened him with. So carefully blanking his face, Kurt opens the lunch bag, glad that the rest of the table had sat down quickly. He wanted an audience for this.

As he pulls out the first two containers and removes their lids, Kurt can see Sebastian's pout out of the corner of his eye and his lips twitch. It's only when he pulls out Seb's box that he cracks enough to smile.

Kurt had packed one box for each of them with a 'snack' box full of fruits and veggies with dip. Seb's box is packed with two pb&j sandwiches cut into heart shapes, hot dog octopi, Teddy Grams, a chocolate pudding cup with Hello Kitty drawn on it in sharpie, and a mini-apple pie with a star cut-out on top that Kurt had baked using a muffin tin. On the lid of the box, in clear view of the entire table was the message:

 ** _For my Sebby Bear!_**

 ** _XOXO_**

 ** _*heart*_**

Seeing Sebastian's horrified eyes sweep around the table, Kurt breaks into a giggle fit that can't be stopped. Sebastian quickly hides the lid back in the bag, blushing darker than Kurt has ever seen. Once they've both had time to recover, Sebastian turns to him, trying to keep his tone low. "Okay! You win! I'll leave your ass alone in public!"

Kurt glares for a few seconds, letting him know that it wouldn't just be 'in public' but obviously saying so out loud would be the height of stupidity.

Nodding, Kurt smiles and kisses him on the cheek. "Good! Let's eat. I'm starving."

Grumbling, Sebastian looks back at his meal. "At least I have Teddy Grams."


	3. Chapter 3

The second day goes much like the first. The classes are easy and Kurt is bored to tears. Sebastian had brought Kurt his Kindle, not even waiting for him to ask his dad. He said Kurt could consider it an early Christmas present. He even added that any books Kurt wanted could just be put on his account, it was set up from Seb's trust fund since it was 'for school'. He'd assured Kurt that even if he spends thousands of dollars, the interest would replace it before Seb will even get to have it. Not that Kurt would ever abuse that privilege but having access to basically an unlimited number of books was an amazing concept to him.

The shop teacher wasn't even trying. Kurt expected the man actually had a hangover. He announced that they would be doing oil changes the next day and handed out pamphlets to teach them, then had locked himself in his office. Kurt was unimpressed. Puck announcing that he really wasn't that bad most of the time didn't particularly help matters. Neither did spending the rest of the class fending off personal questions from the stupidly hot boy.

Kurt strongly suspected that Sebastian was more right about Noah Puckerman than Kurt was prepared to handle. He seemed fairly relentless. Even being told that Kurt and Sebastian were dating hadn't deterred him. He'd merely pointed out that high school relationships weren't that stable and Puck would wait. Kurt resolved himself to talk to Finn about it after school. He really couldn't allow a straight jock to get a crush on him, it was cruel. And awkward. … And flattering.

What he hadn't counted on was that Finn and Sam would collapse into laughing fits at the request for advice on what to do. Kurt sat on the couch waiting angrily for them to stop.

Finally, Sam sat up. "Oh my god! How did we not see this coming?!"

Finn shrugs, still chuckling. "To be fair, I didn't think she'd be that hot."

Kurt growls. "I'm not a 'she' you moron!"

Shrugging again, Finn turns to him. "Whatever. You know what I mean. But yeah... we probably should have let Puck in on the secret. Really important shit he can keep under wraps, and he's fine with gay dudes."

Sam turns to him with a frown. "What? How do you know? We don't **know** any gay dudes. Besides Kurt and Seb, obviously, but he doesn't know about them."

"Oh, right. There was a dude before you transferred that used to be in glee. His name was Matt and he was bi. I don't think everyone knew, but he told us and Mike. Although, after the threesome, I'm pretty sure Puck could have figured it out."

Kurt eyes are like saucers. "Whoa whoa whoa. What threesome?"

Finn laughs. "Oh man, I forgot you didn't know. Our sophomore year, Mr. Shue brought this friend of his in and she totally banged Puck and Matt. I mean, according to Puck they only touched **her** , but Matt was really obvious about watching him, apparently."

Sam nods. "Dude, remember when we first met? The first thing he did was ask how big my mouth was. Yeah, we totally should have told him."

Finn sighs, "Too late now, though. Being cool with it, and being told a chick you've been hitting on is a dude? Nah, that's not the same at all. He'd probably flip the fuck out now."

"No offense, but I would. Thank you so fucking much for telling me upfront, because seriously... you're hot dressed like that. I'd have totally been in Puck's shoes." Sam grins.

Finn laughs and Kurt just shakes his head. _Straight boys. Ugh._

"Anyway... about Puck? What do I do?"

Jolting slightly, Finn says, "Oh, right. Well, like Sam said, we totally should have seen this coming. Puck has a serious hard-on for bitchy girls. The only three girls he's ever tried to date were like the biggest bitches in school. Or at least the most 'badass'."

Laughing again, Sam says, "Right? Quinn is the most manipulative bitch ever, she screwed all of us. Then there was Santana... just wow. Again, we all fell for that one."

Finn shudders. "No may goose-ta. Or whatever."

"And Zizes... I just don't even." Sam seems genuinely confused.

"Right?! She treated him like **shit** and he still followed her around like she was god's gift."

Kurt frowns. "Okay, wait. I thought you guys only dating incestuously inside the glee club? I don't remember a Zizes."

"She was only in it for awhile last year. We needed her for competitions. Like we did with you! Only you're not as mean as she was." Finn explains.

Kurt blinks. "Okay. So... about Puck?"

Finn sucks on his lips for a second before shrugging. "Ignore him? You have a boyfriend. You only have to put up with him for a few months."

Groaning, Kurt flops back on the couch. "Great."

* * *

They kill at sectionals, easily beating the Troubletones with their Michael Jackson medley. Kurt and Sebastian take lead parts in two songs each. It's not solos, but still more recognition than they got at Dalton.

Afterward Christmas break starts and Kurt is kind of glad to be able to take a few days without his disguise. As he sits in his room on his phone, he glares at his closet.

"If I never see another tube of lip gloss, I'll die happy. Seriously, how do girls handle that shit? I can't keep my freaking hair from sticking to it."

Sebastian laughs through the phone. "Aww, I'm sorry princess. There's other lip stuff you can use right? Lipstick or chapstick or something."

Kurt scoffs. "Shut up Seb. That's not the point. The point is I'm tired of dressing like a girl just to be ogled by guys that would beat the shit out of me if they actually **did** get into my pants." Not getting any response but more laughter, Kurt huffs. "Why do you have to go to Paris, anyway? Can't your grandparents come here or something?"

"Bite your tongue, Hummel. This is one of the only times I get to leave the godforsaken state of Ohio, don't jinx it!"

Full out whining now, Kurt says, "But Seeeb. Now I'm stuck here with nothing but 'dudes'. They're hosting a fucking Xbox party or something. I have to stay in disguise for almost a full 24 hours tomorrow!"

Seb laughs. "Yes, but they also promised you could hide in your room, **and** they'd do all your chores for the break. It could be worse. And I'll be home in time for New Year's."

Pouting now, "Fine. But you owe me cheesecake. And something expensive from Paris."

Sebastian chuckles again before replying. "Sure thing, babe. I gotta go. My plane is boarding, and Père is giving me the stink eye for ignoring the call."

Sighing dramatically, Kurt relents. "Okay. Go. Leave me here to rot, surrounded by knuckle-draggers. I see how you are."

Laughing again, Seb can be heard passing a ticket to someone and says, "Right. Love you too, babe."

Huffing at being ignored, Kurt hangs up with a brief, "Love you, text me when you land."

Flopping back on the bed, Kurt takes a few minutes to wallow in self pity before, like any other teenage boy, his stomach protests. He hadn't eaten in like, five hours. He was starving.

As he's digging through the fridge, the doorbell ringing almost makes him bump his head. Knowing that Burt and Carole were at work and Finn was doing some Hanukkah thing with Rachel, he goes to answer it, but he comes to an abrupt halt when he opens the door. _Fuck!_

Puck blinks at him. "Uh... is Finn here?"

Panicking slightly, Kurt glances down at his clothes. Skinny jeans and a tight two-toned grey striped henley. _Shit shit shit._ He'd wallowed in not having to put on make up or the wig... He was 100% boy right now.

Trying to keep the terror out of his voice, Kurt chokes out, "Um... no. He went out with his girlfriend or something."

"Oh. Well, is Lizzie here? I could just wait with her until he gets back. We're supposed to hang out tonight so Rachel can't keep him too much longer, right?" Puck smiles winningly, clearly trying to give off a nice-guy vibe. Kurt wants to scoff but can't let on that he knows Puck at all.

Thinking quickly, he blurts out, "Nope. She went to see her boyfriend off at the airport." Puck's eyes light up and Kurt curses himself for not thinking of any other place for her to be.

"Oh, really? Sebastian isn't going to be here for the holidays?"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Kurt glares at Puck slightly. _Don't act so excited to catch a girl away from her boyfriend! What kind of asshole are you?!_ "No, he's going to visit family in Paris."

Smirking a little, Puck nods. Eventually he asks, "So uh, can I just come in and wait with you? Finn really should be on his way back by now."

Kurt chews his lip for a minute. He can't think of a good reason to give Puck on why exactly he can't let him in. Instead he signals for Puck to wait and pulls out his phone, calling Finn.

"Hello?"

"Finn! So... there's a tanned guy with a mohawk standing on your porch wanting to be let inside. If I do, will I end up cut up into tiny pieces?" Crossing his fingers that Finn realizes what's going on, Kurt tries to keep his face as blank as possible.

"Oh, shit! I forgot about him! I'm about to have dinner with Rachel and her Dads. I'll be about an hour."

Kurt turns back to the manwhore impatiently huffing while he waits. "He says he'll be an hour, he got roped into dinner."

Puck nods. "It's cool. I'll just play Live or something."

Kurt stutters. "Wh-what? You're going to wait for him for a whole hour? Finn's not worth that! You should just bail."

Kurt jolts when he hears, "Hey!" Screamed into his ear through the phone.

"Shit. Forgot about you." Hearing Puck laugh, Kurt turns back to him with a small glare. "Fine, he can stay. See you when you get back, Finn."

As he puts his phone back in his pocket, Kurt opens the door wider and gestures Puck inside. While the boy takes off his coat, Kurt coughs. "I was about to make a snack... you hungry?"

Puck glances over. "Sure, man. I'm not picky."

Quickly taking the excuse to hide in the kitchen, Kurt flops his head down on his arms on the island and groans quietly. _Why does this always happen to me? He's going to figure it out and kick my ass. This sucks! Damn Finn and his ADD! How could he forget he was supposed to meet up with his best freaking friend?! And with Sam in Kentucky, I have absolutely no buffer._

Figuring that he can just make the snack, some polite small talk and then excuse himself to 'Elizabeth's' room, Kurt heads back for the refrigerator. _I'm going to_ _ **kill**_ _Finn if he's not here in an hour._

15 minutes later when Kurt walks back into the living room, he's unsurprised to see Puck playing Call of Duty. Not wanting to interrupt, he sets down the two cans of pop and the plate of grilled ham and cheese sandwiches. After taking two of them, he sits down to watch.

He doesn't think he'd be any good actually playing this game himself, but he does like watching Finn and Sam play. He usually tosses out things he sees that they're too busy to catch. Clearly, that's not needed this time. Kurt is pretty sure that Puck is better at this game than the two of them combined. So he just sits quietly and watches.

After the round is over, Puck puts the controller down and grabs a sandwich. "Thanks!" After a few bites he grins over at Kurt. "This is awesome, dude."

Kurt just cocks an eyebrow. It's a grilled cheese sandwich with ham... it's not exactly gourmet cuisine. Seeing the look, Puck laughs.

"Sorry. I have a thing about pork." Seeing no shift in Kurt's face, he snorts. "I'm Jewish. I'm more New Testament, but my mom doesn't allow any in the house unless I sneak it. Luckily she doesn't pay too much attention to what I order when we eat out."

Kurt nods. _Well at least he's not a Rachel type Jew. If I had accidentally fed her ham, she'd have lost her damn mind. Especially if it was during a Jewish holiday._

Trying to ignore the awkward silence, Kurt waits for Puck to finish the last sandwich before putting the plate in the sink. Hoping to break free since he'd done his hostly duty, Kurt heads for the stairs when he comes out of the kitchen. He's stopped by Puck looking over at him, the game still not resumed.

"So, you ever going to tell me who you are?"

Kurt jolts. _Shit! No wonder it's been so fucking awkward! I can't believe I forgot to explain a sudden appearance of a random guy in Finn's house!_

Laughing nervously, Kurt says, "Oh god. I'm so sorry! I'm Kurt. I'm uh... Liza's cousin. On her mom's side. I'm just here for a visit. I didn't know she wouldn't be here most of the day."

Puck turns his head sideways thoughtfully, "Yeah, I can definitely see the resemblance."

Trying to contain his freak out, Kurt coughs. "Yeah, we get that a lot. Um... I'm just going to go to her room and listen to music or something."

Puck whines shamelessly. "Aww, man. Don't run off, I'm bored as hell. I can play COD at home. Hang out with me until Finn gets back."

Kurt would really rather do almost anything else on the planet than sit and talk to Puck, as himself, but he can't exactly be a dick about it. Nodding, Kurt heads back for the couch. As he sits down, his phone rings.

Cursing softly at the name that shows, Kurt debates not answering. He knows he can't say the name out loud because Puck has already heard about a guy named 'Blaine' that may show up at school, but as long as he's careful he should be able to handle this without giving himself away. Groaning, Kurt turns to Puck,

"Sorry, if I don't take this, he won't stop." Ignoring the questioning look, Kurt puts the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Kurt! Merry Christmas!"

"It's not Christmas yet. What do you want?" He knows he's being rude, but he really can't help but want this phone call over with before he reveals too much.

With a very unsubtle pout in Blaine's voice, he says, "Don't be mean, Kurt. I was just calling to see how you're doing. I saw your sectionals, you were amazing!"

Kurt bites out, "You didn't seem to think I was so 'amazing' when it mattered, so don't try to flatter me now. What do you **want**?"

A heavy sigh, "Come on, Kurt. You know we belong together, why are you doing this? And taking Sebastian with you, that was just unfair."

Losing his temper, Kurt snaps, "I didn't 'take him with me', the asshole followed me home like a lost puppy! It's not my fault that you can't hang on to a man even when you aren't dating him! And we sure as hell do not 'belong together'. I dumped you weeks ago, it's time to move on."

"This is silly, Kurt! No one breaks up over singing!"

Scoffing, "That's not why we broke up! You're selfish and condescending, and I couldn't take it anymore. I've told you that we're done, stop calling me! You can't talk yourself back into my pants!"

Kurt hangs up before he really loses it. He'd been playing the polite 'let's stay friends' game for weeks and Blaine just wasn't taking the hint. Clearly he needed to cut off all contact if Blaine was going to continue to delude himself.

Kurt had pretty much forgotten about Puck until he hears the snickers. Looking up he sees Puck has all but stuffed his fist in his mouth. Seeing Kurt's glare, he takes it out, still laughing. "Oh god, you guys really are related. That was hilarious, and I could totally see Lizzie doing that."

Sighing, Kurt flops backward, carefully slipping his phone back in his pocket. "Sorry, I should have known it wouldn't stay civil. He must not have gotten the memo that you're not actually supposed to turn into a creepy stalker ex-boyfriend that doesn't take no for an answer."

Still laughing, Puck leans back, side-eying him. "So you're gay?" After a hesitant nod, Puck says, "That's cool. Sucks that your ex is an idiot though."

Kurt sighs, "It doesn't matter, we'd have broken up at the end of the year anyway. He's a junior. I don't know why he's fighting this so much, I won't even be here in six months."

Shrugging, Puck turns to him. "He's a guy. He's probably just pissed off that he's not going to be getting any for awhile. If you're from around here, gay guys are pretty hard to come by."

Kurt snorts. "That's not it. Well, not completely. He lives near Columbus, so gay guys aren't quite as endangered and he has no problem finding guys to hit on him. But you're probably not wrong about the sex. We were virgins when we got together. He wouldn't give it up to a new guy for months, so I'm his only hope before the next school year."

Glaring at his feet, Kurt misses the awkward silence until it's gone on for a bit too long. Eventually looking up, he sees Puck pulling nervously at a loose string from a rip in his jeans. Kurt panics, "Shit. Sorry! I get it, it's one thing to be cool with gay dudes, and it's another to talk about their sex lives. I'll shut up."

Snapping his head up, Puck starts to say, "What? No!" but he's interrupted by the front door opening and Finn running inside.

"Sorry! My bad, guys! I didn't know she would expect me to stay for dinner and I totally forgot about hanging out today, dude."

Kurt stands up, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans. "Okay, well, since you're back I'm going to go upstairs and wait on Liza to get back from the airport." He gives Finn an unsubtle signal that Puck really needs to get out of the house before their cover is blown.

Catching on, Finn all but yells. "Right! We should go, Puck. Let's go watch a movie or get some pizza or something."

Arching a brow at the giant, Puck gets up. "Whatever, dude. Anything is better than babysitting Sarah."

Kurt waits holding his bedroom door open until he hears the front door slam a few minutes later. Letting out a breath, Kurt retreats and looks around the room. _I need to 'girl' this place up a bit in case one of them comes in here. I guess no matter what I should wear eyeliner and the dreaded lip gloss around the house. And wear the wig if I go downstairs._

Sighing at his life in general, Kurt goes to the closet and pulls out his makeover kit, deciding to litter his dresser with nail polish bottles. _After years of jocks calling me 'girly', you'd think I wouldn't have to try this hard. Damn._

* * *

Kurt is bored. So **very** freaking bored. He'd been trapped in his room for hours already, in full costume. After looking up new hairstyles he thinks he can pull off with his wig, reading the rest of his current book, shopping for a new sweater, and double checking all of his shoes for scuffs, he finally admits defeat.

Pulling out his phone, he texts Finn.

 _ **So, how long am I expected to hide away in here? I'm going to die of boredom.**_

 _Uhh... we warned u wed be camped out in here over night, dude._

 _ **Yes, but at the time I thought I could get Seb to keep me company. Now I'm bored.**_

 _Well, u could come down here and watch? U watch me and Sam all the time_

 _ **Isn't that like breaking the guy code or something? No girls, or whatever?**_

 _LOL ur not a girl. But na, it should be fine, lemme ask_

While Kurt is waiting on a response he jolts at the sudden cry of "Get your sexy ass down here, Lizzie!" Groaning at Puck's worse that usual approach to hitting on a girl, Kurt gets up, checking his wig and make up one more time before heading down the stairs.

"Your subtlety needs work, Puckerman."

Puck just smirks. "Who's trying to be subtle?"

Kurt just huffs and looks around the room. Finn is sprawled in the armchair, with Artie parked beside it. Mike is laying out in the floor and Sam and Puck are sitting on each end of the couch. He's pretty sure Mike had moved for him, which is sweet but... yeah, no.

Poking Sam, Kurt pouts. "Please don't make me sit with Puck."

Grinning, Sam moves to the middle and let's 'Lizzie' take his seat against the armrest, laughing at the Jewish teen's sullen slump.

Kurt is really tense at first. He keeps expecting one of them to look over at him and go, 'Hey! You're a guy!' or something. It's one thing to be around them at school but at home... it's too relaxed. They're just goofing off and playing video games, and Kurt is terrified. Sam helps a lot. He knows the secret so he's easy to talk to, but he can feel Puck watching him near constantly.

After about an hour of listening to the constant banter, Kurt turns to Finn. "What are we doing for dinner? I'm assuming Dad and Carole have run for the hills?"

Finn grins, not looking away from the tv. "Yep! Said we could order pizza or something. They went to Columbus so they'll either get home really late or just get a hotel."

Kurt huffs. "Fine, I'll go order but I'm **not** eating pizza for dinner."

Puck, who had been pouting at being ignored, snorts. "What's the matter, princess? Afraid you'll get fat? I've seen what you eat for lunch, no carb salads, and shit."

Kurt turns to glare at him. "I happen to like the 'no carb salads, and shit'. It **does** help my ass from growing to the size of Canada. And since we both know that all you really care about is how someone fits in their jeans, you'd think you'd be a bit more understanding."

Puck glares at 'her' and goes to respond when he's cut off by Finn. "Don't, dude. Trust me. Let it go."

Not listening, Puck talks over Finn and says, "You think you're just so much better than everyone else. Well, guess what princess? You're not **that** hot. Eating pizza won't kill you."

Cocking a hip out, Kurt crosses his arms over his chest. "I never said I was better than anyone. And for the record, tearing other people down isn't the same as having self confidence. If you have self worth issues, that's probably something you should discuss with someone you haven't treated like nothing but a toy. Just because I won't cheat on or dump my boyfriend for you, doesn't give you the right to think I'm stuck up. Believe it or not, women do have the right to say 'no' to you, Puck. Oh, and you're not **that** hot either."

Stomping back up the stairs, Kurt pulls out his phone and orders their dinner. After he does, he texts Finn the total and the wait time and then strips out of his outfit, changing into pajama shorts and a tank top Kurt had made a few days ago with a built in padded bra. As long as he didn't get within arm's reach, the shirt worked to fool other people without him actually having to wear the constrictive underwear to sleep.

Pulling out his phone, Kurt lays out on his bed. He rolls to his stomach and kicks his feet as he's looking up tips on how to sleep in a wig without sewing it on. It looked like the only way was to leave it near the bed and just lock his door or something. He's considering the pros and cons of actually sewing the wig on for awhile when he hears a knock on the door.

Realizing it's been awhile and that's probably Finn with the food, Kurt yells out, "Come in!" without looking up. It's not until he hears a slight groan that he realizes he probably should have said 'Come in, **if you're Finn** '.

Glaring at Puck, Kurt sits back up and pulls a huge throw pillow over his lap, covering most of his body. "What the hell do you want?"

Puck blinks a few times before clearing his throat. "Sorry! I uh... didn't expect that. I brought your wings and a Code Red. Finn said-"

Taking the offered food, Kurt bites out, "Awesome. Thanks. Tell Finn next time to bring it himself, or at least send Sam. Get out of my room."

Standing stiffly, Puck says, "Actually, I asked if I could bring it up, he just told me what to bring. I wanted to apologize."

Glaring at the boy, Kurt shifts to sit more comfortably. "Whatever, Puck. You're an asshole and a bit misogynistic, it's not news. Just leave me alone."

Puck breathes out slowly, trying to keep a hold of his temper. "Look, you're kind of a bitch." Before Kurt can unleash on him, Puck steamrolls ahead, "That's okay, honestly it's part of why I like you."

Kurt snorts. "Oh, I've heard. Apparently you have a thing for bitchy girls. Well, too bad. I may be a bitch, but I'm not **your** bitch."

Smirking at the double meaning, Puck answers with, "See, that's not helping. Now all I can picture is-"

Kurt cuts him off, waving his hands. "No. Nope, I don't need those mental images. Keep them to yourself."

Giving Kurt a smug wink, Puck says, "Anyway, what I was trying to say is, I'm sorry about the way I've been acting. Clearly, I'm not your type, if you're into pretty boys like Sebastian."

Scoffing, Kurt sets his food down and opens his pop. "Looks have nothing to do with my type, idiot. Seb is actually more my type than my last boyfriend, sadly. I just have horrible taste in guys. I wish I fell for the sweet and innocent types but they just annoy me, which I didn't figure out until too late in Blaine's case. The fact that he turned into an asshole **after** we broke up was an unpleasant surprise."

Puck looks confused but doesn't put too much effort into figuring out what that meant. "Okay, well, I'm still sorry. I'll try to accept that you're taken and you don't feel that way about me. Just ignore me if I flirt, I can't stop myself sometimes. I really don't mean anything bad by it."

Huffing, Kurt stares at him for long seconds before acquiescing. "Fine, just dial it down a bit."

Puck nods before heading for the door. "I'm gonna go before they eat all the pizza." Before he leaves though, he turns around and asks, "I'm confused about something... if you wouldn't eat pizza, why are you okay eating wings and regular pop? I thought you were a health nut?"

Kurt grins, readjusting his box of chicken. "I never said that. I **do** like carb free salad, fruits and vegetables, and 'shit'. I just also like normal stuff too. I eat healthy for breakfast and lunch so I can eat whatever I want for dinner."

Blinking a bit, Puck asks, "So why not just eat pizza?"

Kurt glances at his vanity, covered in tubs and pots for his skincare regimen. "I spend a lot of time on my skin every morning and night. It takes a lot of effort to look this smooth." Puck's confused frown doesn't shift. "Pizza breaks me out. It's just not worth it."

Puck laughs. "Oh. Well, now I feel stupid. Sorry. Again."

Kurt shrugs, opening his box of wings. "No problem. I can tell you don't know shit about girls. You'd think with your reputation, you'd be a bit better with them."

Shrugging, Puck backs toward the door like he's trying to escape the conversation. "It's uh... not the same. I can get a girl to let me in her pants pretty quick and easy, but I've yet to be allowed to love one."

Kurt stares at him, speechless. _Well, shit. That's not what I expected at all._

Embarrassed by blurting that out, Puck gives him a wide eyed look. "Okay! Gotta go! Night, babe!" He runs out before Kurt can say another word, closing the door behind him. Kurt giggles.

 _Aww, maybe he has a heart in there after all._ Glancing down at his padded chest, Kurt sighs. _Too bad he's straight._

Glaring at his closet again, Kurt takes a vicious bite of chicken.


	4. Chapter 4

As Christmas break continues, Puck finds more and more excuses to come hang out at the Hudmel house. Sometimes Kurt hides in his room but most of the time he finds himself curled into the armchair reading, texting with Seb, or watching Puck kick Finn's ass at COD.

He'd been getting to know Puck much better and now that he was relaxing around him a bit more, he wasn't real happy about the results. Seb kept asking if he'd confessed his love yet, which gets less and less funny as the days drag on. He's not **in love** with Puck. But he can't deny a serious crush going on. Which makes it all the more awkward when Puck flirts with him.

He's been extra careful with his disguise since the night of their tête-à-tête but Kurt is still dreading the day Puck finds out he's not a girl. He's Finn's best friend, he **will** find out eventually. Kurt just really hopes he's in New York by then. Let Finn deal with that little bombshell.

When the holidays draw to a close, Kurt can't help but pout at the idea of going back to school. He really hates high school and can't wait to be rid of the stupid bullshit dramas that go with. Seb had come home with a gorgeous thin leather jacket and a pair of pants that would be hard as hell to pour himself into, but that had hand painted star designs down one leg, clustered near the hemline. He'd also bought him a gift card for Breadstix, so he could buy himself a cheesecake.

Kurt couldn't help but scowl at him as he went on and on about the clubs he'd went to and the fantastic blow-job he'd gotten in a bathroom stall. Kurt couldn't really see the appeal of the bathroom angle, but he'd kill for a decent blow-job at this point. Blaine had only done it like twice, finding it 'distasteful'. _Seriously. Never again with the cute and innocent ones. Give me a manwhore with a heart of gold any day. I wonder if I could talk Seb into pretending to be a real boy with feelings for six months or so..._

Tuning back into Seb's overly detailed reminiscing of his sexcapades assured Kurt that no, that would not be happening. And also, ew. _What the hell Seb? There's no way in hell that guy wanted_ _ **that**_ _put_ _ **there**_ _. Who knows where it's been? Jesus._ Quickly tuning back out, Kurt stares out his window and prays for a decent guy to find him in New York. Preferably on the plane there. Kurt is deprived. _And it's only fucking_ _ **January**_ _. Ugh._

* * *

After the first week back, Kurt wants to call it quits and go back to Dalton. _If only there wasn't a hobbit there waiting to ambush me._

He'd kept his same classes, as planned, but everyone but him and Seb had switched in most of them. The shop class, glee, and AP French are the only classes they were taking that kept the same people. As such, Kurt is dismayed to find Seb mooning over some guy's arms in AP Biology. That alone wouldn't bother him, in fact, he's more than a little excited to be able to pay Seb back for all the teasing he'd done over Puck. No, what bothers him is that according to Sebastian, the guy is 'gayer than Blaine in a tutu'.

Kurt's gaydar has always been faulty. He'd never trusted it at all, but apparently Seb is hardly ever wrong. The only thing he's never quite sure about is pansexuals, because 'who the fuck knows what they're thinking?'

As Kurt tries to watch the boy Seb is so taken with, he can't see it, at all. He's a big burly jock that glares at everything, but sits quietly in class and takes meticulous notes. Seb insists that his closet is more of a bomb shelter with survival rations, but a closet none-the-less. Kurt thinks Sebastian is just crazy.

Again, all of this would just be good fun, except for the fact that Seb's subtlety is worse than Puck's. Kurt is having to physically restrain him from all but climbing into the guy's lap in the middle of class. Seb doesn't see the problem with him trying to convince Captain Closet to come out to play, until Kurt smacks him upside the head and hisses,

"You're my 'boyfriend' remember?! Stop acting like an idiot!"

Seb's sorrowful eyes and longing looks are still drawing attention but Kurt just laughs at the looks he gets, trying to pass it off as a joke. _I really need to do something about this before this asshole gets me killed._

He's never given the chance though.

The first Friday of the semester, as Kurt is entering the courtyard after school, surrounded by glee clubbers, he's stopped by a loud gasp from behind him and a hand on his arm from Seb. Looking up, he can feel his face trying to drain of color and blush madly at the same time. It's a confusing moment.

Before he can say a word, the blazer-bedecked boys standing behind the bane of his existence start to hum and bop around. Kurt watches in horror, not moving fast enough to keep them from starting the song. He just watches with morbid curiosity as the Warblers, lead by Blaine, sing 'I Want You Back', by the Jackson 5. He really can't pick a single thing to focus on and rage about, even in his head. It's all jumbled.

 _He's singing to me in front of my entire school! I'm new here! They'll laugh themselves hoarse! Oh my god! This song?! Seriously?! 'I didn't even want you around'?! After all the shit he's said for the past month?! Oh shit! Does this mean he told all of the Warblers about me dressing as girl? They don't look shocked... Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going to kill this boy. He's even acting like I left him for Seb... is he just doing this for the spectacle of it?! Wasn't this song sung by children?!_

Kurt takes a break in his mental ranting to cut his eyes to the few members of the group that he'd considered friends ten minutes ago. Jeff. Nick. Trent. John. None of them are looking him in the eye... they're all staring straight ahead with a grimace, like they know exactly what they're doing and that Kurt is going to blow his fucking top. _Oh, I'll be talking to you assholes later. This is total bullshit._

In the total silence left in the wake of the song, Kurt snaps, unleashing his pent up anger about the break up.

" **Blaine Devon Anderson!** What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" When he sees Blaine's mouth open, Kurt yells over him. "Oh hell no, you don't get to talk. From here on out, your speaking privileges have been revoked. What the ever loving shit were you thinking, coming to my new school and embarrassing me like this?!"

Blaine opens his mouth again and Kurt points his finger angrily, his mouth snapping closed quickly. "I said no! No talking! I told you it was over between us. We've been over for a month! Get the fuck over it! Leave me alone, dammit!"

With one more glare at Blaine, Kurt turns his attention to the slightly cowering group of boys hiding behind the helmet haired teen. "As for you guys, you should know better than to listen to his stupid ideas about wooing people. Did you learn nothing from the GAP debacle? I'll be calling a few of you tonight, you know who you are, and if you don't answer, don't ever talk to me again." After seeing four heads nod slightly, Kurt turns back to Sebastian.

He'd expected Seb to be laughing at the whole thing, but actually, he looks almost as pissed off as Kurt to those who can read his face well. When Kurt tries to walk by him to get away from the courtyard and all of the gaping students, Seb wraps his arm around Kurt's waist. Turning to Blaine, Sebastian yells out,

"Okay, I let her go first, because she was the one being sung to, but now it's my turn."

The previously cowed Blaine glances quickly at Kurt before speaking to Sebastian. "I have nothing to say to you, Sebastian. I understand why she did what she did but you had no reason to leave us. You betrayed us for no good reason."

Seb's calm, smirking face takes on an evil glint and he steps away from Kurt, releasing his waist. "No good reason? Really? Wanting to escape a fanatical Katy Perry singing hobbit isn't a good enough reason?" Cutting off the shorter boy's angry answer, Sebastian says, "She needed me to go with her, and I needed to be away from you, or I'd end up expelled for punching you in the face. So it all worked out."

Kurt steps forward, grabbing Seb by the hand and pulling him back toward the group of silent, watching glee clubbers. "Sweetie, let it go. It doesn't matter. He'll go back to Dalton and we can just move on with our lives."

Kurt is in the middle of pulling Sebastian's face toward his to try and divert his attention away when he hears a loud and overdramatic gasp from Blaine. Finally finding his voice despite Kurt's anger, he huffs out,

"Please tell me that the rumor you guys are dating isn't actually **true**?!" Kurt turns to glare at him but doesn't respond, turning back to Seb and trying again to get him to calm down and breathe. _Blaine fucking Anderson is not worth getting this upset over._

"No! You wouldn't date him, he's a slut! He's slept with-"

Quickly talking over the idiot before he can out Sebastian -and Kurt- to the entire school, Kurt yells at him, "Oh my god! You have to be fucking kidding me! Who cares?!" Stopping only long enough to contemplate taking his shoe off and throwing it at Blaine, he continues. "Yes! Seb's a manwhore. Anyone who's known him longer than a month is aware of that, thank you. No need to go slut shaming, Blaine. Just because he's had the misfortune of not being able to keep track of his pants in the past doesn't mean he's not worth dating if he decides that's what he wants! Get the fuck over yourself!"

Finn steps forward, figuring that if he doesn't end this, they're gonna end up in the principals office **at best**. "Okay, guys. You sang your song, got your answer, now leave." Puck and Sam flank Finn, who is standing in front of Kurt and Sebastian. The entire glee club is glaring daggers at Blaine.

After Blaine tosses one more look at Kurt, he storms off in a huff. Ignoring Rachel's scoff of 'Amateur.' Kurt turns to Seb but catches Puck's eye for a second. What he sees confuses him but he's pulled in for a hug from Sebastian and distracted. By the time he looks back, Puck is with Finn and Sam, following the Warblers back to their cars. Staring after him over Seb's shoulder, Kurt wonders why Puck had looked so... awed and... hopeful.

* * *

The next day, Kurt is feeling really anxious about going to glee. He knows he's going to have to explain himself, at least somewhat. Why was he so familiar with the Warblers? Why was he friends with at least five of them? How had he come to date two of them? Etc.

When he walks into biology, he's stopped by the fact that Sebastian is being somewhat cornered by the bear he'd been eying up. Stepping close, Kurt taps the bigger boy on the shoulder.

"Um, what are you doing?"

The guy, Kurt thinks his name is Karofsky, turns to him and winces. Then he turns back to Seb with panicked eyes. Understanding what was going on, Kurt smiles at the scared boy and whispers, "Why don't you bring your car in for a free oil change tonight? You seem like the type to forget and I'm always willing to help a friend."

Staring at 'her' with a confused frown, Karofsky mutters, "Uh... what?"

Patting him on the shoulder, Kurt says, "My dad owns Hummel Tires and Lube, I work there part time. I have a shift tonight. Bring your car and I'll waive the labor, just pay for the oil. We can talk about this there, where there's a bit more privacy."

After receiving a slow nod, Kurt turns to Sebastian, pointing his finger at him. "You! Be nice! We'll talk about this tonight. So for now, keep it in your pants."

Dragging him away from an even more confused jock, Kurt can't help but laugh. In hindsight, this week was shaping up to be a lot of fun.

When Kurt walks into glee, everyone suddenly stops talking. Huffing, he walks in and sits down, not even turning to face everyone. "Okay, go ahead and ask."

Mercedes asks, "How did you meet the Warblers? Did your old school sing against them or something?"

Expecting this question, Kurt explains, "No, my cousin went there. He and Sebastian are friends, they left at the same time. Seb chose to follow me. Kurt had his own reasons for leaving and went elsewhere."

Puck frowns at him, but doesn't say anything. _Good, maybe he won't think about it too hard._

Before they can ask another question, Kurt decides to tell the whole cover story at once, smirking at Seb as he walks in. "I was unhappy at my old school and when I heard Kurt and Seb were leaving Dalton we agreed to come here to help Finn. I didn't dump Blaine for Sebastian, as much as he'd love to think so. We had been having problems for awhile and his diva shit finally topped the charts. There's only enough room in my relationships for my drama, I can't be with another diva."

There's silence for a few seconds as Seb sits down and wraps an arm around Kurt's shoulders, pulling his chair closer. Kurt rolls his eyes at him but turns back to the group. "Anything else?"

Kurt had successfully averted most of the questions by his 'cousin' having been a Warbler, he just hopes no one cares enough to dig about that. It's Puck that has one more question, eyes trained on Seb's arm around Kurt.

"Is- **was** Sebastian really a 'manwhore'?"

It's Seb that answers. "Oh yeah. I definitely fucked around a bit too much. I've never really taken the whole relationship thing seriously before. Lizzie here is the only girl that can tie me down."

Kurt giggles at his real meaning, that no one can tie him down. But he looks up at Puck. "Yup, sad but true. I made him get a full panel of testing before I'd even kiss him. I'm really not down with herpes." He gets a pinch to his ribs for that but Seb laughs. He knew Seb got tested regularly so it wasn't completely untrue.

Seeing Kurt laughing with Sebastian about his self admitted slutty past puts a weird light in Puck's eyes, but Kurt tries not to question it. Instead he turns to the front as Mr. Shue comes in, calling out apologies for being late.

Sighing, Kurt glances at Puck one more time out of the corner of his eye. _I really wish I could be the person he thinks I am... or that he could find her with someone else. People can change. If he wants to, he should be allowed to._

* * *

When he got to the garage, Kurt had shed his wig but left it in the office. He was only wearing a small touch of eyeliner and in the heat, it had smudged. Anyone not in the know would think it was oil, but to anyone looking for 'Lizzie', all he had to do was throw the wig on. He'd made Seb sit outside in his car as penance for the mess they were in while he worked.

Hearing three quick, sharp blasts of Seb's horn, Kurt wipes his hands as he steps away from the olds' he was working on. Calling out, he says, "Hey Dad? Can you and Carl take a break? A long one?"

Burt walks over, scratching his head as he looks over paperwork. "What's up, kiddo?"

Stepping toward the office, Kurt grabs the wig from his bag, quickly slipping it on and trying to make it look half presentable. Then he turns back to his dad, gesturing outside. "I asked a guy to meet me here to talk about something... sensitive. But he's not going to want an audience. Could you guys go hang out in the break room for a few minutes? I'll let you know when we're done. We won't be long."

Watching him closely, Burt says, "You sure you got this?"

Scoffing Kurt holds up a heavy monkey wrench and slips it into the deep pocket of his coveralls. "I'm sure. I'll have Seb with me too."

Just then Sebastian walks in with Karofsky in tow. The bigger boy looks confused until he spots Kurt then he looks scared again, darting his eyes at Burt.

Burt just waves and then heads out, yelling at Carl to come with him. When they're alone, Kurt turns to Sebastian.

"Okay, what the fuck have you done, Seb?"

Looking sheepish, Sebastian runs his hand through his hair. "I may have... propositioned Davey here."

Groaning, Kurt leans over and smacks him on the head. "Sebastian! What the fuck?! I told you! Don't sleep with guys at McKinley!"

Seb puts his hands up, "Hey! I didn't! He said no!"

Growling, Kurt smacks him again. "Good! He's got more sense than most! But that doesn't make this better, you idiot!"

Karofsky cuts in, "What the hell? Aren't you two dating? Is she your beard or something?"

Kurt giggles. He considers the jock for a second before pulling the wig off and putting it down on the table. Sebastian squawks.

"Oh, what the fuck?! I can't sleep with him, but you can tell him the truth?! How is that fair?"

Sticking his tongue out at Seb, Kurt responds with a snarky, "I didn't tell him shit, so I didn't break the rules either."

Turning to Karofsky, Kurt explains. "I'm a boy. And no, I'm not transgendered. I have no intention of being a girl. In fact, it's quite the pain in the ass. I'm doing this for solos in glee, because as you can tell, I'm rather effeminate. Seb is my best friend, **not** my boyfriend. So if you did actually want to sleep with him, it's fine, just please god, don't tell anyone. About any of these things I've just told you."

Waiting on the boy to process, Kurt brushes the wig out and puts it carefully back in his bag. Karofsky turns to Seb with wide eyes. "What? Is that true?"

Sebastian nods, although he throws Kurt a huge wink. "Well, I'm assuming he's a boy. He's never actually let me check, despite my best efforts."

Scoffing, Kurt grabs a moist towelette from his dad's desk and starts trying to remove the eyeliner without blinding himself. "You're the one that doesn't date, Sebby. I don't hook up. It's a stalemate. Get over it." Giving up, Kurt turns back to the boys. "Okay, give me your keys and I'll go do your oil change and let my dad go back to work. Seb, take this conversation to your car please, but if you guys decide to fuck, leave. Dad will rip your heart out through your ass if he thinks you're cheating on me at his garage."

The oil change was done quickly and when Kurt had stepped outside to find Karofsky, he was blushing from the roots of his hair down his neck. _Oh, no. He's shy? He's so screwed. Seb will never leave him alone now. If he's hung, and likes sucking dick, Sebastian might actually make an exception to his dating policy._ Laughing at the thought, Kurt taps on Seb's window.

When it's rolled down, Kurt passes the jock his keys. "All done. Dad even said we'd cover the oil, so no charge. If you do end up hooking up with Seb, you'll need all your money for lube anyway."

Eyes bulging, Karofsky makes vague choking noises. Sebastian glares at Kurt. "Dammit, Hummel! He's new to this, stop taunting him. It's only fun when I do it."

Laughing softly, Kurt kneels down to be eye level with the low Porsche. "Hey Karofsky, if you have any questions or concerns that you want to talk about without having this one embarrass the hell out of you, gimme a call. We're listed. And I promise not to pass on anything you tell me in confidence."

Staring at him with surprised eyes, he says, "Uh, thanks. I'll probably take you up on that. And um... call me Dave? 'Karofsky' makes me think of sports and being an asshole."

Confused but accepting, Kurt nods. "No problem. I have to get back to work, your car is ready when you are. And like I said before, no matter what happens here, keep our secret. I don't care what you guys do, but please don't get caught at school or something. I have to survive a few more months before I make my escape."

Smiling, Dave answers, "I really don't think that will be a problem for awhile, but sure."

Kurt gives him a pitying look. _Oh, honey. You really have no idea what you're getting into._ Judging by Seb's smirk, he not only knows what Kurt is thinking but completely agrees with him.

"Good luck, Dave."

* * *

Once Seb starts actively pursuing Dave it leaves Kurt with a lot more free time. That time is subtly being stolen by one Noah Puckerman. And Kurt can't find it in himself to stop him. He knows he's should, it's going to end in tears, but it's just nice to feel wanted for once. The only relationship he'd ever had was with Blaine and he hadn't been his first priority. Seb was almost like a boyfriend, but not quite. As much as he'd joked to himself about possibly sleeping with Sebastian one day, he didn't actually believe it. He just knew better than to say never. Famous last words, and all that.

He realizes that a lot of the things that Kurt and Sebastian do that the girls coo over as being 'romantic' Kurt doesn't find romantic at all. They're always together... but Seb spends more and more time talking about wanting to get into Dave's pants, and Kurt spends an unhealthy amount of time wondering if Puck could hold him against a wall -without dropping him- while he fucked him.

They banter with each other and use pet names often... but it's usually snark that would make someone you loved slap you, and their pet names are usually ones meant to offend.

Kurt makes Seb's lunch every day... but that's more to keep him from whining like a toddler and honestly, he really is making his own anyway, it's not that much harder. He'd probably do it for any one of his friends. Not that he says so, because he doesn't want to spend hours each night making shit tons of food.

They drive to and from school together... but that's because of time and gas efficiency and because Seb brings him coffee every morning.

Altogether, they look so happy and in love when really they're just close friends. If either one of them actually were being tempted to make it real, they probably would have stopped thinking about another guy naked 23 ½ hours of the day and focused on each other.

Instead, Kurt spends his days thinking about Puck. Watching him in their classes together and laughing with him when they get the chance to hang out at home. In shop class, as a group project, they're rebuilding a '76 Dodge Demon from the frame out. Kurt had first heard about it from his dad who had announced that the teacher was calling every mechanic and junk yard in the area looking for parts. Kurt had been so excited he bounced into class the next day.

Luckily his coveralls allowed him to wear one of his modified sleep shirts under it so he wouldn't burn up when it started warming up. Not that it really had yet, but Kurt likes to plan for the future. For now he was wearing sweats under it. It **was** only February.

On Valentine's Day, Sebastian was both the best and worst fake boyfriend imaginable in the same two minute conversation.

He'd waited until they were in the school parking lot before he pulled out a huge bouquet of roses and a small box of stupidly expensive French chocolates. He then waited until they were walking through the front door of the school to inform Kurt that he'd signed 'her' up for an hour at the kissing booth.

Kurt had turned to him with murder in his eyes only to see Sebastian smirking at him. "Come on, babe! It's only fair that I share you for a little bit, considering how many fans you have. Besides, it's for the glee club or something. All the girls are taking a turn."

As Kurt walked slowly toward the makeshift booth set up in the middle of the hallway, he wants to die. _Okay. Bad choice of words. If anyone finds out there's a bit more under my skirt than they thought, I really might die._

Stepping up and tapping Tina on the shoulder he glumly says, "Hey. I'm your relief." She smiles at him and steps aside.

"Great! I can go find Mike and- uh oh." Kurt frowns.

"What?" When Tina doesn't respond, just points behind him, Kurt turns to see that almost every guy that had been littering the crowded hallway a minute ago was now shoving into a line in front of the booth. Some were even being glared or screamed at by girls nearby.

Kurt gulped. _I'm going to_ _ **kill**_ _Sebastian._

Kurt spends the first half an hour working his way through the line as fast as he can with light pecks and quick money exchanges. The kisses are only a dollar each so he has no trouble making change. Luckily no one really tries to force a longer or more expressive kiss on him although it's pretty obvious that some are hoping he'll take the chance to do it himself.

 _Yeah, no._ There are only three guys that would take advantage of this situation and luckily the worst one doesn't go to McKinley. Seb had already gotten farther than any of these guys has due to their charade, not to mention he has a new fixation now. And Puck... Puck has been conspicuously absent. _I guess he doesn't like me as much as I thought he did. Which is fine... it's better. If he really likes me then when this all blows up he might actually get mad enough to take a really long drive._

Kurt sighs, relieved that his hour is up in only a few more minutes. He can see Santana walking down the hallway, coming to take her shift. She stops down the hallway and is watching him while smirking. He liked Santana. she reminded him a lot of Sebastian, who had quickly clung to the only other person that was overly honest about people's faults.

He wasn't allowed to say the things he wanted to say without being smacked by Kurt, so he spent most of his time whispering them to him or texting them to Santana. She'd even used a few of his better barbs. They really were kindred spirits, which is why she found Kurt's current predicament so fucking hilarious.

He glares at her, not really paying attention to who's next in line, just holding out his hand for the money while he tries to explode her head with his thoughts. He's confused when nothing is handed over. Focusing back on his task, he sees a familiar mohawk flopped onto the kiosk. Looking around with wide eyes, Kurt tries to signal Santana to take over. _Now. Please. Oh god._

Seeing his panic, Santana cocks an eyebrow and makes a big show of getting comfortable leaning against the lockers from halfway down the hallway. _Shit shit shit._

When Puck finally leans up he glances behind him long enough to bite out, "I brought enough money to buy out the rest of her time, so you losers can bounce." Kurt stares at him like a deer caught in headlights. _Oh shit. No._

Clearing his throat, Kurt croaks out, "One dollar limit, sir." but it's too late. Most of the line had run from Puck's glare and it was pretty much just the two of them.

Shifting from foot to foot, Kurt starts to really freak out. There's no way he's going to be able to control himself. He'd been fantasizing about this boy for weeks. He spent almost every spare moment wondering what he tasted like. The last thing he needs is that exact knowledge.

Keeping a tight reign on himself, he takes the dollar and does his best to ignore his smirk and lean forward for just a peck, like everyone else.

But he was right. Puck was one of the few that would totally take advantage.

As Kurt goes to lean away, Puck presses himself forward again, rubbing his lips gently against 'hers'. He only makes one swipe against Kurt's lips with his tongue before he pulls away. But before they're even a full three inches apart, Kurt grabs the back of his head and pulls him back in, opening his mouth and trying to coax Puck's tongue out with his own. It takes a few minutes before they finally break apart and it's only at the sound of a clearly amused cough.

Pulling back, Kurt gapes at Puck, not able to form words. He turns to look behind him with panicked eyes to find Santana standing behind him. With a smirk, she announces, "It's shift change, Hummel. Unless you want to continue making a spectacle until your boyfriend shows up."

Jolting back, Kurt looks around quickly, thankful that no one else seems to have noticed. There's very few people in the hallway and none of them are even looking in their direction. Darting his eyes back to Puck who is just staring at him, dazed, Kurt yelps out, "Sorry!" and runs away.

He runs all the way to the girl's bathroom. Pulling out his phone, he calls Sebastian's number. It takes forever for him to pick up.

"Oh my god, princess! I'm busy! Bitch at me later!"

Kurt's voice cracks, "I just made out with Noah Puckerman at the kissing booth and Santana caught us." Sebastian's laugh echos in his ear. "Seb! Not helping!"

Still laughing, he chokes out, "No, I guess not. Gimme a sec. I can't believe it worked! The help will have to wait until the hilarity stops."

Kurt bites out, "He may very well beat me bloody when he finds out what really just happened."

That stops the laughter cold. "That's not funny, babe."

"That's what I've been saying! Thank you for joining me!"

Sighing, Seb murmurs something to someone and Kurt can vaguely hear a kiss and a car door. _Oh god. Of course. I'm in here ruining my life and Seb's getting some. God fucking dammit, how is this my life?_

Glaring at the floor, Kurt hears, "Okay... so I don't think he would do that. I don't think he'll be **happy** but I don't think he'd actually hurt you."

Throwing his hand up, Kurt declares, "Well, thank god. As long as you're the leading expert on all things Puckerman, I guess we have nothing to worry about!"

Another sigh. "Sarcasm is a rather stupid coping mechanism."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Kurt says, "Seb, what would you do if you found out a boy you really really liked and had made out with, possibly fantasized about, was a girl?"

The response is immediate and instinctive. "Ew. That's disgusting."

Slamming his head into the wall, Kurt says, "Exactly."


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt is so tempted to skip school the next day that he's still packing the lunchbox when Sebastian gets tired of waiting and rings the bell. When he finally comes out, Kurt knows he's looked better. He didn't get much sleep, and he feels horrible about tricking Puck. If he didn't think it would end in dismemberment, he would tell him the truth now and just get it over with.

Instead he wears extra concealer and makes Seb swear to play buffer all day. Regionals is in just a few days and Kurt really can't afford distractions. He'd managed to get a lead in a duet. With Puck. They'd turned 'Here's to Us' by Halestorm into a duet and Kurt kind of loved the gravely tone to it. He just wishes he could sing it as himself. It would've had a bigger impact to have two boys singing it, not that McKinley is progressive enough for that. Even Dalton only did it once and it was just because Blaine wanted in his pants.

Going up against the Warblers is awkward... to say the least. Kurt is still trying to pretend that the kiss never happened and Puck so far has kept his questions to himself. Probably because Sebastian has stayed attached to his hip. _He probably thinks Seb doesn't know and is trying to respect our relationship. Ugh. Why does everything about him make me like him more?_

They win regionals and Kurt disappears with Sebastian as soon as the winner is announced, trying to dodge Blaine. It's only when they're already sitting on the bus, laughing together about Dave succumbing to hormones much faster than he'd thought he would, that they realize how it looked to everyone else. Puck is pouting despite the win and Kurt feels like shit, sinking down in his seat.

 _Why can I not do a single thing to make this better? It's not fair. When all this crashes and burns, he's going to walk away a little scarred... I'll be lucky if the black box survives... So why do I feel so guilty?_

After that, Kurt stops trying to avoid Puck, not that it matters. Now the Jewish boy was avoiding him. Short of skipping class, Puck does anything he can not to be near Kurt. Knowing that this whole mess is his own fault doesn't really help Kurt try to accept the situation. For the next month, Kurt buries himself deeper and deeper into a funk.

By the beginning of May, he's regretting the decision to ever come here. Sure, he has a solo for nationals... which he'd gotten when Finn braved her wrath to point out how unfair it was that Rachel had a leading part and a solo when there were only three songs to perform. Mr. Shue had conceded and gave Kurt the solo, since they really needed Rachel for the finishing number.

He'd gotten away from Blaine, who after regionals seemed to take the hint and leave him alone... he should have everything he wanted. But all he can think about is the boy that he can't have and how he's probably going to force the poor guy into years of therapy by the end of the year.

When prom approaches, there's no question of if he's going, or with who. Kurt picks out a beautiful, ice blue, cap sleeved dress with a sweetheart neckline. He'd styled the wig into curls that he'd pinned back and left loose. He goes with Sebastian, who looks amazing in his tuxedo. And if Sebastian disappears a bit too often for 'bathroom breaks', Kurt can't begrudge him and Dave that time alone.

Luckily when the announcement for Prom Court is called, Sebastian mysteriously reappears. Kurt even spots a slightly flushed Dave edging back into the room. When Puck is announced Prom King, Kurt cheers and claps with everyone else, even if he does glare at Quinn, who'd convinced him to run with her. The smug girl was one of the few members of the glee club Kurt couldn't force himself to like. She had everything but she still continued to put Puck down every chance she got... until she needed something.

Kurt is too wrapped in his own thoughts to realize that the entire room is staring at him. When he does look up at Sebastian's elbow nudge he jolts. Looking around at all of the amused faces he blurts out, "What?"

Seb just laughs and leans in to whisper, "They just announced that you won Prom Queen by write in ballot, babe."

Looking around him with wide eyes, Kurt squeaks out "What?!" but it's interrupted by Sebastian pushing him toward the stage.

As he gets closer, Kurt can't help but look behind him, expecting someone to jump out and tell him it's a joke. Instead when he turns back to the stage, Puck is standing there, smiling at him. Waiting for him. For about ten minutes it's like a fairy tale. Kurt is crowned, given a scepter, and asked to dance with the guy of his dreams in front of the whole school. They dance to the overly sappy song 'Take My Breath Away' and for just a few minutes, Kurt can pretend that Puck knows him and accepts him for who he is, that he won't consider this a painful and embarrassing memory next year.

As the song ends, Puck runs his hand down 'her' hair and moves in for a kiss. Kurt has to force himself to pull back. He mutters, "We can't." At that moment the only thing he's thinking of is Puck. He can't let this boy fall any deeper into the pit that Kurt is already sitting at the bottom of.

But Puck nods, dropping his hand and looking up at Sebastian who's watching them sadly. "Right. Your boyfriend."

Kurt nods, bitterly. Without another word, Kurt turns and runs from the room. He can't handle it. Seb follows him and they get in his car without saying anything. There's nothing left to say. Seb might joke about the situation, but he knows Kurt. This isn't funny anymore. It's not about Kurt wanting to have sex with someone that knows how to hit the right buttons... All of Kurt's buttons have become Puckerman specific.

Six months ago -when Blaine was being a jerk- Kurt used to he was imagine what his next boyfriend would be like. _It's sad that I used to do that while we were still dating..._

The guy he'd pictured would be tall, but not freakishly tall like Finn, he didn't want to need a step-stool. He'd have to be able to keep up with snark and banter. He'd need to be able to handle Kurt's bitch fits. He'd have to accept that Kurt was a diva and would need the spotlight. That he expected it. He'd have to be happy for him when he got it, not resent that it was 'stolen from him'. He'd have to find Kurt attractive, which he's still not sure Blaine ever did. He'd have to like music, hopefully like singing. Preferably he'd know what he was doing in the bedroom, because Kurt had done the 'virgins together' thing and someone really needed to know what the hell they were doing. And if he could be super hot, like Taylor Lautner, well, that would be awesome.

As he lays in his bed, Kurt realizes that his list of the perfect new boyfriend was almost a carbon copy of Noah Puckerman. Okay, Puck isn't as pretty as Lautner, but seriously... he's more than hot enough.

The only problem is that Puck had seemed awkward around 'Kurt' once he started talking about actual sex acts between guys. Just because he didn't hate gay guys didn't mean he would be open to another guy loving him. Kurt curled up around his pillow and squeezed his eyes shut. None of this was new. He'd reached most of these same conclusions every night before bed, he just really needed to sleep.

He should also probably talk to Puck and clear the air. They only had a few more weeks of school and Kurt's sure they'd made quite the scene earlier. _At least this year is almost over._

* * *

Monday afternoon, Kurt is taking off his coveralls and grinning at the near finished Demon. It was cherry red with silver racing stripes on the sides. When he turns to put the folded coveralls away, he's stopped by Puck who had been staring at his ass. When Kurt cocks his hip and clears his throat Puck snaps out of his stupor and grins.

"Sorry. Habit."

Shaking his head, Kurt stows the folded fabric and walks back over to him. "Actually, can we talk for a minute? Like, after the bell?"

Puck shrugs. "I gotta hit the locker room and grab my clothes. I forgot to wash them over the weekend so if I don't get them before weight training tomorrow it's gonna be nasty."

Nodding, Kurt says, "That's okay. That gives us a bit more privacy. No one else will be in there right?" Seeing the look in his eye, Kurt smacks him on the shoulder. "Not what I meant! I just... need to talk to you."

Giving him a blank look, Puck shrugs again. "Sure."

They hang out in the shop room after the bell rings to give the hallways a minute to clear, not to mention give anyone else a chance to grab their stuff from the locker room. As they slowly make their way down the near deserted hallway, Kurt chews his lip.

Eventually he says, "Okay, so I need to talk to you about... Valentine's... and prom." Seeing Puck look away without responding, Kurt pushes forward. "That can't happen again."

Puck sighs, within a few steps of the locker room door. "I get it. You have a boyfriend and you're not a cheater."

Kurt frowns, tired of that excuse. Stepping through the door, he says, "No... that's not really why. It's personal, but it doesn't really have much to do with-" As they round the lockers they see Dave pushing Sebastian against the lockers. They're making out like the world is about to end and Seb's hand is down Dave's pants. _Well fuck._ " **Sebastian!** "

Glaring as the idiots spring apart, Kurt wants to beat them both with a metal bat. _Of all fucking people to catch them, it_ _ **had**_ _to be Puck, didn't it?!_

But even Kurt couldn't have really seen Puck's reaction coming. Dave and Sebastian look at Kurt guiltily but neither seems really upset and that seems to set Puck off.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Clenching his fist, Puck takes a step toward Sebastian, only to be stopped by Dave standing in front of him. Puck can take Sebastian, no question... but Dave? With possible help? Glaring at the tallest boy, Puck falls back to screaming, "You're cheating on Lizzie? With a fucking dude?! You find a girl that accepts your bullshit past and this is how you thank her?!"

Fed up with Sebastian's poker face and lack of response, he turns to Dave, "And you! What the fuck are **you** doing?! Since when have you been a fag?" Glaring between them he shouts out, "That's fucking **disgusting**!"

Sebastian finally moves but he's not even looking at Puck. No... he's looking behind him, seemingly horrified. Puck turns to see 'Lizzie' crying. But she's not staring at Seb and Dave. She's staring at Puck. After a few seconds of the most horrible echoing silence they've ever heard, Kurt breaks out of his stupor and takes off his wig. He doesn't really know what he's doing, but he's done. _I can't do this anymore. I just... can't._

Sliding his arms inside his shirt, Kurt unsnaps the bra and pulls it out of the bottom, throwing it on the ground. Pulling his summer sweater tighter around himself, he turns and runs. He can't stay in that room with Dave starting to panic because Puck **knows** about him, or Sebastian staring at him with pity. He doesn't want to look at Puck and see the disgust.

He ignores Seb's yell of 'Kurt! Wait!' and the sound of Puck screaming, even louder, 'What?! **Kurt**?" He just heads for the parking lot, relieved to find it mostly empty. He doesn't see anyone that could catch him without his wig, with his eyeliner streaming down his face.

Luckily he drove today, and he'd tinted his Nav's windows so he could huddle in the passenger seat and wait on Sebastian. It only takes about five minutes for him to show up, alone. Later on, Seb will hand Kurt his water bra and his wig, which he'd shoved into his school bag. He'll tell Kurt that he'd sworn Puck to silence about both Kurt and Dave. He'll explain that Puck had agreed, no questions asked and stormed away. That he'd have been out sooner but that Dave had been freaking out, worried about what would happen if Puck didn't hold his end of the deal.

For now, all Kurt does is curl in on himself and cry.

* * *

Kurt stays in bed for days, telling everyone he's sick. It's not a lie. He's sick of the drama and the bullshit and most of all, himself. He's sick of feeling like he's not good enough, that he's weird, or wrong, for not being what everyone else thinks he should be.

But most of all, he's sick of wondering what will happen when he goes back to school. He couldn't go back to Dalton, it was almost the end of the year and he'd miss nationals. After all the shit he'd been through, he was getting his fucking solo. But he'd do it on his terms.

Thursday night Burt comes into Kurt's room ready to tell him that enough was enough and he was going to school tomorrow only to find him up, freshly washed and some sort of outfit set out for school already hanging on his closet door. In fact, he's on his computer, seemingly working on a project. Confused, Burt asks,

"Uh... hey, Kurt? You going to school tomorrow?"

Turning to smile at him, Kurt chirps, "Yep. As myself, so be prepared for a shit storm." Burt really doesn't know what to say to that so he just nods and walks back down the hall.

The next day, Sebastian shows up, dressed for school but planning to endure more Project Runway reruns. He's surprised when he's met at the door by Kurt, dressed to the nines in his own clothes, no make up or skirts in sight.

"Oh, hell yes. God I can't wait for this." Seb's smirk has never been bigger.

Not until Kurt snaps at him, "Grab your bag, we're taking my car. And hurry the fuck up, I need to get there early.

When he pulls up to the school he parks his Nav as close to an office window as he can, hoping that will keep vandalism at bay.

Kurt stepped to one side of the front doors and reached into his bag for a huge stack of flyers. His dad was going to kill him when he found out how much paper and ink he'd used but fuck it. This was important. He passes half the stack to Sebastian and stands by the door waiting on the students to start streaming in. He ignores Seb's maniacal cackles and smiles widely at everyone he passes a sheet of paper to. Most people keep walking, but there's definitely a bottle neck going on ten minutes later, where they had stopped one by one to actually read the flyer and turn around wide eyed to stare at him. The paper read:

 **Hi! My name is Kurt Elizabeth Hummel!**

 **I'm a senior at McKinley and have been for a few months now.**

 **You may recognize me as your Prom Queen! Thank you for your votes, by the way! ;)**

 **I've decided to finish out my school year by being honest, because my lies** **have hurt someone that I really never wanted to hurt.**

 **Yes, my name is really Kurt Elizabeth, I was named after my sick mother** **who knew she wouldn't live to see me grow up.**

 **I'm a boy, but I've been dressing as a girl for months so I could win solos in glee club,** **as stupid as that sounds to most of you.**

 **I really had no intention of hurting anyone and to anyone that did get hurt, I'm very sorry.**

 **PS: Because I know you'll speculate and I've been out for years, yes, I'm gay.**

 **But no, Sebastian is not my boyfriend.**

The accompanying pictures are of Kurt as himself and one of him from prom, as he was crowned.

Seb looks over at one point after being asked for easily the 80th time if he was gay. "You could have added my own sexual status and saved me from this, ya know."

Kurt smirks. "Oh, I know. This is payback for enjoying my pain when all this started out. It's your turn for your 15 minutes."

Luckily they run out of flyers before Puck shows up, although he had passed a few out to glee members so he's sure he'll see one. Before heading to class, Kurt makes a quick detour to the choir room.

The day passes... interestingly. He gets a lot of stares, some hostile. Most of the girls seem relieved, oddly enough, although there's a few hostile glares from them too. Seb insists it's because they're pissed off that a boy was prettier than they are. He might have a point.

Dave had snuck him a small smile before ignoring him. He was just relieved to not have been outed.

Glee was surprising. He'd walked in expecting yells and ranting, but he'd gotten a smirk from Santana two feet inside the door.

"I knew it!"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Sure, you did."

Santana pulled out a $20 bill. "I even bet Britt after Valentine's Day. So thanks for the 20 bucks."

Shaking his head, he'd mumbled, "You're welcome." and walked around her. He'd been faced with most of the room staring at him like they were waiting for something. Sam, Finn, and Rachel gave small supportive smiles, Seb wrapped his arm around his shoulders, and Puck glared at his shoes, refusing to look up.

Kurt just sighs heavily and turns his gaze on the rest of the club. When Mr. Shue steps up behind him, Kurt turns to him and blurts out,

"It's Finn's fault."

* * *

As the week progresses, not much has really changed in Kurt's life. He has to be careful not to be out alone, usually accompanied by Seb, Finn, or Sam. He parks close to the office every day, showing up early and leaving late, and never bringing Seb's Porsche just in case. And he puts up with whispered taunts that he sneers at. _Like I really care what any of these idiots think?_

It's only after dinner each night, when he gets back to his room, that he let's his guard down. He takes his shower, does his skin care routine, and climbs into bed... where he cries himself to sleep.

Because the one person he does want to talk to him, even if it's to lash out, refuses to even look in his general direction. Puck acts like any chair Kurt or Seb are sitting in are empty. He doesn't seem mad, or upset, just blank. He never mentions them, or Lizzie. It's like Kurt had never existed. It's not what he wishes for, but he tries to be grateful that it's not blind hatred and threats. Or worse.

As he'd expected, his relationship with Seb hadn't changed at all. The difference is he was once again slapping him for trying to cop a feel or making comments that before he'd had to endure. Other than that, everything was the same. Finn caught more hell from the glee club for their lies than he did, because it **had** been his idea. Most importantly, Kurt got to keep his solo. And nationals was this Saturday.

* * *

After making it through all the drama and bullshit, Kurt had watched the girls go through their number. They'd been amazing. But now Kurt feels like he's about to throw up. If he'd wanted a pep talk, he was out of luck. Finn was consoling Rachel on her lost solo, Puck still wouldn't look at him, and Seb had just shoved him forward into the darkness. Stepping out of the wings, he walks out to the middle of the stage, trying to contain his nerves.

Kurt had approached Mr. Shue his first day as himself and told him he wanted to change his solo song. They had met in private about it, and hadn't told anyone else. The teacher had seemed surprised and apprehensive when he'd first pitched the song, but when he'd heard Kurt's arrangement and delivery, he was sold. It had the cheese factor they were looking for and Kurt managed to pour enough emotion into it to make it work.

He'd called Santana and Rachel to his house the night before and as he takes his place he can hear Finn and Sam back and to his right and Rachel and Santana to his left, providing what little background he needed. Mainly humming, but it had filled out the sound a little.

As he sings through 'If You're Not the One' by Daniel Bedingfield, he focuses on his pain and uncertainty about loving Noah Puckerman despite how quickly he'd been forgotten. He'd cut the verse about getting married, not needing any reminders that they were both boys. As the song fades out, he leaves the stage. He'd have to suck in his emotions and get back out there for his miniature part with Sebastian and then with Santana and Brittany.

He's too busy trying to shake off his feelings to notice that for the first time in a week, Puck was staring at him.

* * *

As Kurt walks out of the auditorium with Sebastian after giving Mr. Shue his Teacher of the Year award, he lays his head on his shoulder. The year is almost over. Graduation is next week. He wasn't as attached to this school and it's residents as he could be, since he'd only been here a few months, but it felt like home in a way Dalton never had.

He knows he's headed to New York, hell or high water. Seb had been admitted to NYU and was wait-listed for Columbia. He'd already offered the spare room in his penthouse, rent free as long as Kurt did the cooking. So, no matter what, he was leaving Ohio. It's everything he'd ever wanted... so why is he sad?

Sebastian lays his head down on Kurt's and says, "Is he really worth this much pining, babe?"

Kurt grins. "He's a hotter, slightly nicer version of you, so yeah."

Glaring at being told that he's not as hot as Puck, Seb goes to retort when they hear footsteps. Turning around, they see the man in question walking up to them, slowly. He's eying their closeness with confusion but he stops a few feet away and turns to Kurt.

"Um... can we talk?"

Blinking at the boy in front of him, he turns to Sebastian with shocked eyes. The taller teen just laughs, "Yes, babe. I see him, too."

Smacking him, Kurt turns back to Puck. "Uh... sure?"

Glancing around himself, the Jewish boy winces. "In private? I swear I won't hurt you or anything, I just want to talk about... well, all of it."

Giving him a calculating look, Seb eventually states, "Serious suggestion, so don't slap me again, but you can use the locker room." At their incredulous looks Sebastian throws his hands up in surrender. "Hey! It's private! No one ever goes in there this time of year, let alone this time of **day**. Just uh... lock the door. Because you never know who will show up."

Kurt smacks him anyway before nodding at Puck to lead the way. As he walks down the hall he takes one last look back to Sebastian who winks at him.

When they step into the locker room, Kurt is relieved that it doesn't smell horrible. I guess Seb's right, they don't use it this time of year.

Puck gestures for him to wait there and goes through both sections of lockers, the bathroom, and the shower sections making sure no one is in there. When he comes back in he sits straddling a bench half the room away and nods at the door.

"Can you lock that? You can just stand over there if you're worried or something, but I really won't hurt you, no matter what you say."

Quickly locking the door, Kurt moves to sit on the narrow bench too but on the very end, near the door. He trusts him... to a point.

"So um, what did you want to talk about?"

Puck stares at him incredulously. "You don't think we need to talk? Seriously?"

Kurt shrugs tugging his vest down a little. "Um... not really? I mean, it's pretty obvious what happened and I'm really sorry if you feel I tricked you. It was only after you started hitting on me that Finn and Sam realized we should have told you. By that point I had started to think the whole thing was a terrible idea. If someone had told me in November that an entire school of boys would be panting after me I'd have laughed myself into a heart attack."

Puck smirks a little. "So you had never dressed as a girl before?"

Laughing, "No! Well, Halloween once with Blaine but it was as Snooki. I definitely wasn't taking it seriously."

Nodding slowly, Puck asks, "So you're not one of those trans-whatever you're supposed to call it now?"

Smiling, Kurt says, "Transsexual. And no. I absolutely hated dressing as a girl every day. Every now and then as a kinky thing? Maybe. But honestly if I never wear a dress again, I'm more than fine with that." Realizing what he said he grimaces. "Shit. I did it again, I'm sorry. I know it makes you uncomfortable..."

Just like before, Puck jolts. "No! It doesn't! Sorry! I mean, I'm not used to it, so I might get confused or quiet, but hearing you talk about sex doesn't freak me out, dude."

Kurt stares at him, confused. "I don't understand. That day at my house, you got really awkward like you wanted nothing more than to bolt."

Puck laughs leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "Oh, I did. But it wasn't because you were freaking me out. I had... um... questions. That I wanted to ask but I was too nervous." At Kurt's raised eyebrow, Puck admits, "I've never actually met a full on gay guy. I only knew one bi dude and he hadn't ever actually done anything, just knew he wanted to."

Grinning, "Oh right, Mr. Threesome. I heard about him."

Deadpan, "His name was Matt, actually."

Kurt giggles. "Sorry! Um, well if you have questions, you're more than welcome to ask them. I had my fair share when I met my first out guy. I had some similar talks with Dave when he and Seb first started messing around, so I'm used to talking about it."

Panicking, Puck blurts out, "Wait! Does that mean the only people that ask questions are gay dudes that just haven't done anything yet?"

Kurt jumps to reassure, "No! Not at all! Sorry, no. Um, Finn and Sam also had a few questions although they obviously didn't want personal details. They were more embarrassed and asking for curiosity's sake. Dave and I were more asking about how things felt and how to approach or do certain things."

Puck gulps. Taking a few seconds to think things over he eventually admits, "See, with me... I think it would be closer to what you and Dave did." When he hears no judgment, he continues, "Ever since I caught Matt checking me out, I've wondered what I would have done if he **had** come on to me. And I'm not real sure."

Kurt stares at him with wide eyes, trying to squash the hope that was leaping in his chest. "O-oh. Well, um... again, any questions you have, you can ask."

Watching him closely, Puck says, "Swear you'll answer them?"

Kurt sighs. "You may not like the answer you get, but yes, I promise to answer them."

Smirking, Puck asks, "Do you like me?"

Kurt blushes. "I meant questions about gay stuff!"

Smirking, Puck points out, "Well, if you like me, doesn't that make it gay stuff?"

Groaning, Kurt puts his head in his hands. "Ugh. I have to keep you away from Sebastian. You're too freaking much alike."

Puck seems slightly angry when he says, "So... you guys really aren't dating?"

Laughing, Kurt says, "God, no. I mean, I've always known it was a possibility that I would wake up with a massive hangover and a smirking meerkat in my bed but I've done everything I can to avoid it. Mainly not drinking. Ever."

The tanned singer seems even more put out. "Damn. That's what I thought. I should have known."

Highly confused now, Kurt says, "Should have known what?"

Sighing, Puck stares at the bench between them, not looking up. "That you wouldn't actually date someone that sleeps around. You told me when we met that you'd only slept with the one guy and he was a virgin. If you'd really never date Seb..."

Waving his arms, Kurt cuts him off. "Wait! I didn't mean I wouldn't date him if that's what he wanted. But Seb doesn't date. He fucks. A lot. And that's fine, but I'm not down with sharing. Your little threesome story, that kind of baffles me. I could see, maybe, doing it if I was in a happy, stable relationship and I knew it wouldn't damage it. But, I'd have to trust both of the guys so much it was stupid and I just can't imagine that ever being possible. Just randomly hooking up with two people I don't know? I couldn't do it. Sorry if that makes me a prude or whatever."

Puck gapes at him and Kurt winces. "Sorry! Shit! Why do I keep doing this? Way more information than you needed to know. I babble sometimes, when I do, just tell me to shut up."

After a few seconds Puck starts laughing. When he sees Kurt pout at him, he tries to stop but it's a losing battle. "Fuck, what a pair we make. I'm sorry! I couldn't help it. You're saying you would knowingly date a manwhore and then calling yourself a prude because you're not willing to share him?"

Kurt blinks. "I didn't really think of it that way, but yeah. Basically. If I'm in a relationship, I don't want to share my guy. And I don't really want to be with a guy that would share **me**. So finding a way to be comfortable with both of those things seems impossible to me. The idea of fucking two guys is hot... until I think about it logically and then I'm like... no." Seeing Puck's amused look, he blurts out, "Okay, seriously, how did we start talking about threesomes? This can't really be what you called me in here for."

Smirking again, Puck says, "Hey, you brought it up. I sure as hell wasn't going to stop you."

Seeing Kurt's glare, Puck clears his throat. "Anyway, I called you in here to apologize for being such an ass. I'm really sorry for how I handled it." After some awkward silence, Puck asks, "So were you the one that slipped one of your flyers into my locker?"

Kurt frowns for a second before slapping his forehead. "Sebastian. That asshole. I guess he wanted to make sure you knew the whole story. That or he wanted to give you a picture to remember me by, who the fuck knows. He's a strange guy."

Nodding, Puck smiles at him. "Right. So... you never answered my question."

Kurt swears, "Damn. I was hoping I could distract you from that." Puck's expression doesn't change at all, he just continues to wait. "Ugh. Yes, okay? I like you, quite a bit actually. But I couldn't very well act on it and be crushed when you found out I had a P where you very much expected a V."

Puck laughs nervously, pulling his tie loose. Kurt sighs. "It's fine, Puck. I get it. I'm a big boy, I can handle liking someone that doesn't like me back. I'm just sorry that you liked someone that didn't technically exist. If it makes it any better at all, I never lied to you about anything other than my gender and relationship status."

Turning back to him, he asks, "So... when we hung out or talked, that was really all you, just wearing questionable clothes?"

Huffing, Kurt crosses his arms. "My clothes were fabulous, if slightly gender-confused. But yeah, the rest of it was me. I'm really not that different, I just would never wear that much crap on my face during the day. I slough my skin at night so that I don't have to wear more than a light sunscreen during the day. And the bra and heels were murder."

Puck chuckles before looking up at Kurt again. Eventually he mutters out, "I didn't just like her, Kurt. I loved her."

Staring at him with wide eyes, Kurt says, "I'm so sorry, Puck. I really didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry she's not real."

With a confused frown, Puck leans forward, putting his forearms on his knees. "Didn't you say that 'she' was you? That you didn't lie or pretend to be anything other than yourself... minus a dick?" Kurt nods. Puck shrugs, scooting forward on the bench a little. "Then she is real, isn't she?"

Panicking, Kurt sits up straight. "Um... technically, I guess. But 'she' does have a dick. And I'm rather fond of it, I'm not getting rid of it."

Laughing, Puck moves even closer. "I wouldn't want you to get rid of it. Actually, I was wondering if you could help me out with something."

Sweating as he looks around the locker room, avoiding Puck's gaze, Kurt mutters, "I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to do." It's only after he says it that he recognizes the reference. Judging by the smirk, Puck got it too. Damn.

"I thought you couldn't get pregnant? Isn't that one of the upsides to being with a guy?" At Kurt's look of confusion, Puck elaborates. "No condoms, right?"

Kurt laughs. "See, if you were asking the right questions instead of how I felt about you, you'd know that you still have to use condoms. Unless you're both virgins or you trust each other enough to remain faithful and you've been tested, or whatever. No, you can't get pregnant but STIs are rampant in some corners of homosexuality."

Puck smirks, "Babe, you're rambling. Stop it."

Heart beating faster at being called 'babe' Kurt squeaks a little, "But, this is actually important. Especially if you're a self-purported manwhore."

Moving even closer, Puck shrugs. "Well, I **was**. But, I actually haven't slept with anyone in over six months. And I got tested before Valentine's Day."

Kurt blushes. That was about the time he'd joked about not kissing Seb until he'd had a full panel. Groaning, Kurt says, "You don't fight fair."

Puck leans forward on his knees again, this time mere inches from Kurt. "So, about that favor."


	6. Chapter 6

"So, about that favor."

Giving in, Kurt looks at him warily. "What is it?"

"Kiss me again." When Kurt jolts, Puck puts his hands on Kurt's knees. "Let me kiss you again, this time knowing exactly who you are and what I'll find in your pants. I won't lie, I have no idea how it will go. I loved Lizzie, but the reason I've been avoiding you is because I feel like I don't know you. And even if I do, I don't know if I can love a guy. Or have sex with one. But... I still find you hot. I still stare at your ass when you're not looking. I still think about you all the time. I want to try. If I'm wrong, well, are we any worse off than we were yesterday? If I'm right..."

Groaning again, Kurt tries to think this through from every angle. On the one hand, hell yes! On the other, he'd always promised himself to never be someone's experiment. He didn't want to get invested in something just for the other guy to decide 'nah, not my cup of tea'. _But... I'm already invested. I already love him. He's saying he might love me back, or could one day... but not if I don't let him try._

Swallowing nervously, Kurt nods. It's not like there's much left to lose at this point. Puck smiles, leaning forward more and sliding his hands up to grip Kurt's legs just above the knees. Kurt leans in and hold his face an inch from Puck's. It has to be his move, it's his fucking experiment.

Quickly sealing their mouths together, Puck tilts his head and scoots even closer, sliding his hands up to hold Kurt by the hips. When Puck slides his tongue into Kurt's barely parted lips, the smaller boy moans a little and wraps his arms around Puck's neck. Running his fingers through what little hair Puck has, Kurt tries to control himself. Now is **not** the time to be tearing at clothes. Even if he's dying to find out if the rest of him tastes as good as his mouth does.

Eventually needing air, they separate and Puck gasps out onto Kurt's lips, leaning their heads together. When he can manage speech, he says, "Yep. I'm bi."

Kurt giggles but leans away a little. "Sorry, hun. That's not really a fair fight. There are lots of people who just enjoy kissing. You should go home and maybe surf the internet a bit. Watch some uh... porn or something. See if guys can even get you hard. Given our past, there's a million reasons you could have enjoyed that. Only a few have anything to do with me being a guy."

Puck laughs, not releasing Kurt from the grip around his waist, ignoring the subtle clues he's giving off... like trying to pull his hands away. "Sorry, babe. But I **have** watched gay porn before. And I've gotten off on it. It had to be a certain type of dude being nailed but it really wasn't that different to regular porn. And I don't really care about other guys. I wanted to know if I could get hard with **you**."

Eyes widening, Kurt stammers, "O-oh. Well... d-did you?" He wants to just look down, but that would be rude, right? Just eying up another guy's junk. Not to mention, he's trying to control himself, dammit. If Puck is hard...

Nope. No if. Puck had grabbed his hand and placed it over his own erection. He was definitely hard. _Fuck fuck fuck. God..._ Kurt looks down now, watching his hand as it moves with a mind of it's own, not even waiting to be told before rubbing against Puck's cock.

Kurt is just considering going for the zipper when Puck groans. Snatching his hand away, Kurt darts his gaze up at Puck with worried eyes.

Jolting, Puck looks back at him and says, "No! Why did you stop? I'm sorry! Whatever I did, sorry! Just please, touch me!"

Kurt wants to bang his head on the lockers. He shouldn't agree to this, but he knows he's going to. He just needs to know that Puck realizes what this means and can accept it. All of it. Standing up, Kurt looks down at Puck's brief look of panic before looking toward the showers. When he looks back down he sees the realization on Puck's face.

Kurt chuckles and reaches up for his own tie, gently pulling it loose. Then he drops it on the bench before saying, "I'm going to go shower. Feel free to join me in a few minutes, if you want to." He's already stripping his vest off and throwing it on the floor as he heads into the showers, reaching for his buttons and refusing to turn around to watch Puck as he leaves.

Puck, meanwhile is gripping the bench with both hands, resisting the urge to follow right behind him. Given what he knows about the, um... mechanics involved, he's assuming Kurt needs at least a couple minutes alone in there.

He reaches up and removes his tie though, shortly followed by his vest. He takes off his shoes and socks before stepping forward. He only moves to the doorway, removing his shirts and finally walking inside in nothing but his pants. He sees the rest of Kurt's clothes piled carefully on the far wall away from the shower stalls. He can see Kurt trying his best to wash out his hair products with borrowed shampoo and figures if he's moved on to hair, it's probably safe to join him.

Shucking his pants just outside the stall, Puck moves in to join him, wrapping his arms back around Kurt's waist and kissing the back of his neck.

When Kurt feels Puck's hard on pressing against his naked ass, he moans softly, pressing back against him. After rinsing the shampoo from his hair, Kurt turns to kiss Puck again, wrapping his arms back around his neck and pulling them flush together.

As Puck slides his hands up Kurt's back he can't help but marvel at how soft his skin is. Softer than any girl he'd been with, not that he'd have really noticed. Breaking the kiss to lean back and look at his naked body, Puck finds relief that he doesn't miss the girly bits at all. Instead he finds himself reaching out to wrap his hand around Kurt's dick. As he slowly starts to move his hand up and down he wonders what it would taste like, if that's even something he would want to do. He doesn't wonder long. His mind flooded with mental images of Kurt moaning and writhing as Puck swallows around his cock.

Kurt may not be sure, but Puck is fairly positive. He's bi. Or something like that. Either way, he's more than happy to have a naked Kurt Hummel in his arms.

Raking his nails lightly down Puck's chest, Kurt moans out, "You should probably, um... stop that. Unless you want me to be a useless puddle on the floor."

Smirking, Puck responds by kissing his way up Kurt's neck, murmuring into it, "I **do** like the idea of you on the floor. Preferably with me on my knees behind you. But somehow I don't think this is the place for that. Would be hell on the knees."

Groaning, Kurt pulls Puck's head back up by his hair and kisses him again. "If you're saying this is as far as you want to go, I'm fine with that, but if not, you really need to stop talking and move your hand."

Wanting to make a comment about how his hand **is** moving, but deciding to be nice, Puck puts his hands back on Kurt's hips. Biting his lip lightly, Puck says, "This definitely isn't as far as I want to go. I'll do whatever you want me to at this point. You're the one with the experience. And you're the one that's known all along we were both guys. What do **you** want to do?"

Chewing his lip thoughtfully, Kurt answers with, "Well, there are two things I really wanted to know." At Puck's raised eyebrow, Kurt blushes. "The first one is what you taste like." Seeing slight confusion due to them having been kissing for many minutes, Kurt gestures to Puck's cock.

Ignoring the sucked in breath, Kurt continues, "And I've been wondering for awhile now if your 'guns' could support my weight while fucking me into a wall."

Laughing, Puck pushes Kurt against the somewhat cold tiles, caging him in with his arms. "God... do I really have to choose?"

Giggling, Kurt kisses him again before leaning up to whisper in his ear. "That depends, what's your recovery time?"

While Puck is trying to figure out what he means, Kurt slides down to balance on his feet, squatting at eye level with Puck's cock.

Looking up at him, Kurt reaches out with one hand and starts to pull Puck's erection toward him. Staring Puck in the eyes, Kurt leans forward to put the tip of his tongue to the slit of his dick, hoping to taste him already. He's not disappointed. After running the flat of his tongue against the head for a few seconds, Kurt wraps his lips around Puck's cock, tongue tracing the ridge at the bottom for a second before sliding his lips down a bit.

Puck holds his breath, waiting for Kurt to stop so he can take a breath. Instead he groans loudly, staring down in disbelief when Kurt's lips continue until his nose is pressed into the short curly hair at the base of his dick.

"Fuck!" Puck watches with wide eyes as Kurt pulls back only a few inches before sinking back down again. He hums for a second before pulling all the way back off until just the head is in his mouth, Kurt sucking and licking it again.

As embarrassing as it is for the overly experienced boy, that was almost over way too quickly. Appreciating the brief respite for what it is, he reaches down to run his hands through Kurt's hair as he starts to bob his head back and forth. When he feels Kurt suck in a breath and sink back down on him, he clenches his eyes shut, knowing that watching again would be a bad idea.

Kurt takes his time, going slow and switching up what he's doing every time Puck thinks he has a handle on it. It's only about ten minutes before Kurt grabs both of Puck's hands and puts them on the back of his head, bobbing again while giving him a significant look.

Taking the hint, Puck moans and starts to fuck his mouth slowly. Kurt moves his hands, one wrapped around his own dick while the other massages Puck's balls. He waits until Puck has shoved himself as far back as he's willing before Kurt sinks further down and hums, squeezing his balls. Puck comes with a groan, not expecting the sudden onslaught.

Kurt has always been baffled by the notion of spitting out come. Once it's in your mouth, isn't it just easier, far less messy, and frankly not as icky, to just swallow it? _If the taste bothers you, don't let him come in your mouth... but spitting? Gross._

After Kurt has swallowed it down and licked Puck over one more time as the shudders wrack his body, he slowly stands up, stretching his legs.

He's lazily stroking his own hard on when Puck recovers enough to attack Kurt with his face. He'd wondered if tasting himself on Kurt's lips would be a problem but it didn't seem to even occur to the other boy until too late. He'd just shrugged though, continuing to kiss Kurt and press him against the wall again.

When he pulls back, Puck wraps his hand back around Kurt's dick and murmurs into his ear, "Now what, babe?"

Kurt smiles at him, thrusting his hips into his hand a little. "Well, I would say you should start prepping me, but I realized a few minutes ago, we can't fuck in here." Seeing Puck's pout, Kurt smiles again, kissing the corner of his mouth. "I know, hun. But there's no lube or anything with the right consistency that we could use to replace it."

Suddenly smiling, Puck says, "Hang on." and darts out of the stall, picking up his pants. He digs into the wallet and pulls out a single packet of lube tucked into a side slot. Kurt can also see the foil of a condom wrapper. Kurt frowns slightly. _He said he hasn't hooked up in months... why does he have that on him?_

Interrupting his thoughts, Puck passes him the lube. When he looks over his shoulder he sees that Puck had also grabbed the condom and put it on the short wall beside them. While he's assuring himself that at least Puck won't be opposed to using the condom, Kurt looks down at the packet in his hand. It's kind of worn looking, with small nicks in the sides and a spot of the lettering worn off from rubbing. It's clearly old... months old. Tossing a quick look at the condom he sees the same thing. In fact it looks worse off. Due to it's bigger size, it had stuck out of the slot.

Looking at Puck with a raised brow, the Jewish boy blushes a little. "Sorry, habit. I used to always carry it, just in case. No more babies. I just never took it out when I stopped sleeping around. Because again, just in case."

Relieved, Kurt nods, before leaning forward to kiss him again. When he pulls back he asks, "Do you want me to prep myself or...?"

Gulping, Puck looks down at Kurt's body before asking, "Uh, actually I'd like to, if you tell me what to do."

Smiling like he'd passed a test, Kurt hands him the packet back, kissing him deeply before turning to face the wall. He waits until Puck opens the lube and smears some on his fingers, then Kurt bends down and tells him to start with one and add more when it seems loose enough.

After a few minutes Kurt growls lightly. Puck is trying his best to be careful and gentle. He's moving slowly and still hadn't added a second finger, afraid of hurting him. He was staring at the place where he finger was sunk in and having to all but bite his cheek to keep from groaning at the sight.

Meanwhile, Kurt is going nuts. He usually has two fingers in after 30 seconds. And he's usually much rougher, just wanting to get stretched and get to the good part. Glaring over his shoulder he says, "Puck, baby, I love that you're trying to be nice, but coddle me afterward, okay? I want you to fuck me sometime today."

Sucking in a breath, Puck takes a second before grinning. "God I love it when you're bitchy." Him adding a second finger cuts off Kurt's snarky reply. Instead he gets a moan and Kurt turning back to face the wall, pushing his hips out more.

Puck moves a little faster, still trying to be gentle but also trying to stretch him as much as he can with two fingers. Kurt moans and pushes back on his fingers again, aiming to hit his prostate. Giving in, Kurt groans out, "Puck, curl your fingers a little?"

When he does, Kurt pushes back again, this time hitting that spot and whining again, fucking himself back on Puck's unmoving hand. "God fucking Jesus, Kurt. Why didn't you just tie to me something handy and fuck me months ago? I promise, I would have gotten over it. Probably before the come dried. Or appeared. Possibly before the lube appeared."

Growling, Kurt says, "Christ on a stick, don't remind me that this could have happened months ago. Shut up and add another finger before I push you down and ride you."

Huffing, Puck laughs, "I'm not sure if that threat is very effective, babe. Why wouldn't I want that?" Despite his words, he adds another finger, moving them fairly easily already. Perhaps he'd spent a bit too long playing...

Panting now, Kurt gasps out, "I thought you wanted to fuck me? I've been thinking of you nailing me to a wall for over four months. Please god, tell me you're going to."

Groaning again, Puck starts flexing his fingers, trying to stretch Kurt as quickly as he can. Kurt suddenly pulls forward and turns around, kissing him frantically. "Jesus, good enough. Just please hurry up!"

Chuckling at his impatience, Puck kisses Kurt quickly before reaching for the condom on the wall. Having decided that everything he knows about Puck points to him not lying about being tested, Kurt grabs his hand before it can touch the foil wrapper. Instead he reaches for the half empty packet of lube and squirts the rest out on Puck's cock, rubbing it all over while leaning forward to kiss him again.

Realizing what that means, Puck moans and wraps his arms around Kurt, kissing him deeper. When Kurt pulls his hand away, Puck reaches down and puts his hands under his ass, not breaking the kiss as he lifts him up and presses his back to the ugly yellow tiles of the half wall. Kurt puts his arms up on the wall, trying to help take some of the burden off.

Grinning into the kiss, Puck says, "It's fine, babe. I can bench press more than you weigh."

Refusing to move his arms, Kurt waits as Puck presses the tip of his cock to Kurt's hole. Puck just holds himself steady, supporting Kurt with his arms as he slowly slides down the wall and impales himself on Puck.

Whimpering as he bottoms out, Kurt pants against Puck's neck, waiting for the burn to fade. When it does he nods and Puck pulls out a little before slowly moving back in. Feeling Kurt relax around him a bit more, Puck leans into suck bruises into his neck, as he thrusts slowly into him. Kurt eventually gives up on holding himself up and wraps his arms around Puck's neck, hugging his body closer.

Puck adjusts his grip and slams into him harder. Kurt's panting and moaning in his ear spurs him on to grab him by the hips and pull him down to meet Puck's thrusts.

Kurt brings one hand down to jack himself off as he's bounced on Puck's cock. Kurt grips Puck by the back of he neck, trying to push himself down to meet him, wanting to get him as deep inside as he can. As he feels himself get close he clenches down on Puck's dick and let out a high pitched wail as Puck nails his prostate, pushing his shoulders into the wall and holding him by the waist, slamming his hips down onto him.

Kurt let's go of his cock to wrap both arms around Puck's neck clawing slightly at his shoulder blades. He leans in to whimper, "Come on, baby. Come for me."

Moaning, Puck pushes faster, his grip near bruising on Kurt's hips as he throws his head back. The friction of his dick rubbing against Puck's abs is enough to finally send Kurt over the edge. As he whines out "Noooah! Fuck!" and clamps down on him, Puck loses it, not even having time to pull out, which he assures himself he'd planned to do.

As the hormones start to settle and they get their breath back, Puck leans back against the other side of the shower, pulling Kurt off his softening cock. He should probably feel guilty about the clean up Kurt will have to do now but instead he's just awed that Kurt had let him come in him and didn't seem angry.

In fact, angry is the last thing Kurt feels. Sore is pretty high up on the list though. But so is satisfied, smug, and tired. Giving his legs a chance to stop wobbling, Kurt leans in to kiss Puck thoroughly. As he stands back up straight, Kurt smiles at Puck before pushing him out of the stall.

"Go get dressed, I'll be out in a minute."

Smirking at him, Puck grabs his pants and heads out of the showers while Kurt turns back into the water. A few minutes later, Kurt comes out wearing his pants and the button up shirt but carrying the rest of his outfit. Puck had just worn the undershirt and slipped the top shirt on unbuttoned. He sat on the bench, near where he'd sat before, still kind of trying to process what he'd just done.

As Kurt comes in, he winces but straddles the bench in front of him. Puck wants to ask if he's okay, but Kurt waves him off, clearly able to tell what he was going to say. So instead, Puck smirks again.

"So, yeah. I'm bi."

* * *

As Kurt carries in his last box, dropping it right inside the door, Seb laughs at him from the couch.

"You could have helped, asshole!"

Sebastian scoffs, "I did help! I offered to pay for a moving company! I've been unpacked for hours. It's not my fault you decided to get 'integrity'!"

Kurt just glares at him. "I'm imposing enough by not paying rent, the least I can do is not let you pay to move my shit in. You getting off your ass to help haul boxes, on the other hand, would have been awesome."

Seb shrugs, going back to his tablet. "I'm lazy, you know this. It's why I have money. I can pay people to do shit for me."

Kurt mumbles pushing the box across the hardwood floor toward his room. "Hope you enjoy your freshman 15. Can't pay people to exercise for you, asshat."

Seb yells out, "I heard that! And thank fuck you got away from Finn. He's stunting your vocabulary!"

Kurt yells back, heaving the box of books up onto the desk so he can start shelving them. He can sort them later. For now he just wants one less box in his room taking up space. "It's not stunting, it's expanding! I never would have known there was such a perfect way to describe you without xbox!"

Hearing Sebastian grumble from the other room, Kurt pulls out his phone and texts Finn. It was only mid-July so he hadn't left for basic training yet, but he only had a few more days. Sighing at the stupidity that is his 'little brother' Kurt sets the phone down and huffs, thinking about the idiot's best friend.

Forcing himself to not dwell on it, Kurt grabbed another book and kept loading his shelf. When he's done he looks around the room. It's huge. About twice the size of Rachel's dorm at NYADA. And he didn't have to share it.

Sighing at inadvertently bringing up Puck twice in two minutes, Kurt grabs another box. It's not like Kurt had said, 'Hey! Let's get married!' or 'We can adopt kids when we're 30!'. He'd just said, 'Come to New York with me.'

Apparently that had been scary enough, because Puck had run. Okay, so they'd only known each other for like seven months, and they'd only dated for two... but Kurt loved him. And he'd told him so. And Puck had run anyway.

It was fine. As far as Kurt knows Puck had only been having fun with him. He'd assumed they would stay together for a long time, after all the shit they'd put each other through. But Puck must not have agreed. After all, he'd never said he loved **him**. Not really.

After Kurt had asked Puck to move with him to New York, the Jewish boy had said he'd think about it. Then he'd disappeared. It was only after Finn started mumbling about LA and pool cleaning that Kurt had realized... Puck must have gone through with the original plan. He'd gone to California. 3,000 miles seemed overkill to Kurt, but he'd never had to vanish like the mafia was chasing him, so he didn't know.

He hadn't heard from Puck in almost two weeks. Neither had Finn, unless he was lying. Kurt spends the next hour unloading some boxes, stacking others in the closet to deal with later. Usually he'd jump on the clothes first, wanting them stored properly, but he'll have to buy at least two more wardrobes to fit everything and he just doesn't have the energy for that right now. He's making his bed with new linens when he hears Sebastian come to his door.

"How in holy hell can you have this much shit?"

Glancing around, it does look fairly cramped. "I know, right? I think I went crazy with the Uhaul. I meant to leave most of this in Ohio but I figured since I had the truck... why not?"

Scoffing, Seb crosses his arms. "This is why not. This room is huge by poor people standards, I can't believe you've managed to pack it full. Shouldn't you have left some room?"

Kurt huffs, smoothing out the new comforter. "Unlike some people, I don't plan to get fat. I'll get around fine."

"Well sure, but what about the guitar? Not to mention the extra clothes and... actually I'm not sure he owns anything else, but it looks like even that won't fit in here."

Turning to Sebastian Kurt frowns. "What? What are you talking about?" After seeing Seb's smirk, Kurt yells, "Hey! Wait a second! Just because I live here rent free doesn't mean you can sign me up for roommates without talking to me about it!"

Laughing, Sebastian grins wider. "I didn't invite him, princess. You did. That is 100% your fault." He gestures behind him.

Blinking at Seb uncertainly, Kurt steps up to the door, waiting for him to move out of the way. When he walks out he sees Puck standing by the front door holding a guitar case and a huge army issue duffel bag that looks a lot like the one Finn had been given but older.

Stopping in his tracks, Kurt stares at him. _This can't be happening._

Seeing Kurt, Puck takes a step forward but stops when the smaller boy recoils slightly, looking at him like he's the last thing he'd expected to see. It takes him a second to find his voice but eventually Puck says,

"Kurt, I'm sorry-"

"No."

Shocked at being cut off, Puck takes another step forward. Kurt takes another one back. "Kurt-"

"No!" Kurt wishes he had something he could throw at him. The books aren't too far away, he'd have to turn around to reach them. "You don't get to disappear, break my heart and then show up out of the blue with some lame ass apology. No. Get out."

Seb shrugs. "It's my apartment too, Kurt. I say he can stay. Want a drink, Puck?"

Glaring at the taller boy, Puck mutters, "Not helping, Seb."

Kurt glares at them. "Fine. You two can just stay out here and pow wow. But just so you know, Sebastian... If you let him move in here, knowing I'm against it, I'll move out. I'll find a place with Rachel if I have to. I'm not doing this."

Kurt goes back into his room and slams the door, locking it. _No. I'm not going to be one of those boys that gets tossed aside like he doesn't matter but keeps running back to the same old asshole. I'm not doing it. If Puck decided he didn't want to be with me, fine. But he can't just disappear and then expect everything to be roses. No._

Going back to unpacking, Kurt tries to ignore the muffled voices from the other room. When he can hear them clearly trying to get his attention, he turns on his iPod. _Seb wouldn't really move him in here if I'm against it... right? If I'm unpacking just to have to pack again, I might stab him._

Ignoring the few tears that leak out, Kurt sets up his lotions and scrubs on his new vanity. He takes the time to organize them because he knows that he'll be too tired tonight. _And my eyes will be burning from crying. But that's just semantics._

Because of the music, Kurt gets no warning, but he does see the door open in the vanity mirror. Turning around, Kurt glares at Puck who is getting up off his knees and pocketing some bobby pins. _Shit. Of course the hoodlum can pick locks. Why is that not surprising?_

As Puck comes in, having shed his bag and guitar case, he turns the music down, but not off and looks at Kurt. "Please let me explain? I'm actually surprised Seb never did. I'm not sure if I appreciate him keeping his promise if it upset you this much."

Crossing his arms and legs and glaring at Puck, Kurt says, "So he knew you were coming and didn't tell me? Right. I'll deal with him later. Meanwhile, I want you to leave. You chose not to be with me, and didn't even have the balls to tell me about it. If you're not happy with your choices, make better ones next time. But I don't make the same mistake twice. I loved you and you disappeared on me. So do it again. Leave."

Puck jolts, "Loved? You don't love me anymore? H-how? It's only been two weeks! It was supposed to be a month but I couldn't take it anymore. Seb told me you were here and I just couldn't stop myself."

Kurt frowns, "Wait, what? What was supposed to be a month? How long has Sebastian known where you are?"

Puck flinches. "I told him when I was leaving. I needed someone to know in case some crazy shit happened. He had my new number, we talked every other day. I'm sorry that you were so upset, I just really needed to do this."

Kurt stands up, charging forward. He pushes Puck out of his way, not stopping to unleash on him. Sebastian is the runner. Puck would still be there.

When he steps out into the main room he's completely unsurprised to find Sebastian no where in the penthouse. He does find a note on the kitchen counter.

 **He asked me not to tell you, he had a good reason, listen to him.**

 **Don't kill the messenger. Or in this case, the non-messenger.**

 **I'll be home by dinner... if your hired gun hasn't found me.**

Crumpling it up in his fist, Kurt turns to face Puck, who sure enough, wasn't smart enough to run. He bites out, "You have two minutes to explain why I shouldn't grab a knife and start cutting off appendages."

Puck smirks, "Well, for one, you happen to like my appendages." Seeing Kurt start toward him with murder in his eye, Puck throws his hands up. "Okay! Not the time, sorry, shit! Just listen to me!"

Kurt stomps over to the couch and flops down glaring. "A minute and a half."

Puck rushes out, "I couldn't come with you to New York if I had no reason to be here! That night, after you asked me to come with you, I realized I couldn't tag along and drag you down. If I was going with you, I had to have a plan too. So I planned. You said you'd be moving here today, so two weeks ago, I left."

Kurt growls, "Yes, thank you. I'm aware of that."

Puck steps forward again, "Yeah, but I'm trying to explain! I came here. I've been here for two weeks trying to find a job." Kurt's arms fall down and he opens his mouth to ask a question but Puck rolls on, "I decided that if we were going to live here, maybe I could start a band or sell some songs I've written or something. But to do that, I'd need to find a way to make money first. So I found a job bartending. I'm taking a class to teach me the drinks quicker but I finally found a job a few days ago at this dive bar way downtown. Getting there from here is going to suck but the pay is decent. Especially since we apparently don't have to pay rent... We can save up and get our own place in a year or two."

When all Kurt does is gape at him, Puck continues to babble, "Or, I dunno, make trips back to Ohio or just stick it in the bank. We've never really talked about it but if you want a really big wedding one day we should probably start saving for that now. You said you've spent $300 on jeans before so I can't imagine how much a wedding would cost."

Finally finding his voice, Kurt says, "I said they were $300 jeans, not that I'd paid that for them. I bargain hunt." Still staring at him in confusion, Kurt asks, "Noah... what the hell are you talking about? You... you dumped me. You ran away and didn't even tell me you were going. I've spent the last two weeks crying into pillows and trying to forget about you. Why the hell are you here, acting like everything is normal and talking about weddings of all things?"

Suddenly looking crestfallen, Puck whispers, "You don't want to marry me some day?"

Kurt glares, snapping out, "Shouldn't we be dating before we start talking about marriage?!"

Puck frowns, "Aren't we already dating? I mean, we were, and I never stopped thinking we are. I knew you'd be mad but I had to do this. I didn't want to come here and waste time and money doing nothing. If I don't make it as a musician by the time I'm 25 I'll find a regular job, with benefits and stuff."

Kurt wavers. This whole time, this idiot had been here, planning their lives together and waiting for him to show up. Sniffling again, Kurt gets up and walks up to Puck. As soon as he's within arm's reach, he smacks the hell out of him. Repeatedly.

Puck has to grab his wrists, kissing his hands, to stop him. When Kurt finally stops trying to break free, the tears are pouring down his face. "You **asshole**! Do you have any idea what I've been thinking?! How could you plan out our lives without talking to me first?!"

Puck laughs. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you but I knew you'd call it stupid and convince me to come even if I couldn't contribute anything. I was giving myself a month to find a job and support myself. I overestimated my funds though. I don't think my pool cleaning money would have lasted a full month. But luckily I did find a job. And conveniently, a free apartment. Maybe even this really hot guy I can room with."

Slumping into Puck's chest, Kurt grabs onto his shirt, still crying softly. "I hate you, Noah Puckerman."

Chuckling, Puck squeezes him. "I love you too, baby."

Sniffling again, Kurt leans back to look up at him, still pouting. "Because you broke my heart, you have to unpack my clothes."

Puck scoffs, picking Kurt up and holding him under his ass as he walks toward the bedroom. "Bullshit. I'll help you, but I've got hickeys that haven't even faded yet, so we weren't separated **that** long."

As he walks in and throws Kurt on the bed, he grins at him. "So... remember that talk we had the first time we fucked?" Seeing Kurt nod, Puck walks over to one of the boxes labeled 'clothes'.

"Which one of these boxes is your skirts in?"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! ^_^**


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